Dr. Dave Schramm and Dr. Liz Hale welcome renowned marriage experts, Dr. Christian Heim and Dr. Caroline Heim, from Australia. They discuss insights from the largest global study on long-term relationships, revealing the key elements that make marriages last. The conversation highlights the importance of commitment, altruism, and shared values while addressing the challenges of hyper-individualism, social isolation, and mental health struggles. Whether you're single, married, or in a long-term relationship, this episode offers invaluable tools and perspectives to strengthen your relationship.

#marraigeadvice #resilience #marraigeresilience #makingmarriagework

About:

Christian Heim FRANZCP, PhD is a psychiatrist, a Clinical Director in Mental Health Services, Senior Lecturer in the School of Medicine at the University of Queensland and a Churchill Fellow. Christian gives keynotes internationally on preventative mental health. In private psychiatry, he subspecializes in war-related and severe childhood sexual trauma, and couple therapy where mental illness is prominent. Christian publishes books and journal articles in the area of preventative mental health. His latest book was co-authored with Caroline Heim: Resilient Relationships: techniques for surviving hyper-individualism, social isolation and a mental health crisis. (Routledge, 2023).

Caroline Heim is an Associate Professor at Queensland University of Technology. She has published two books in theatre studies and is a global authority on the psychology of relationships in the theatre. Caroline gives keynotes internationally and her numerous articles cover various topics from audiences to the mental health of university students. Specialising in empirical research, she has interviewed over 300 people internationally. Before entering academia, Caroline studied theatre and worked in New York winning a Drama League Award.

Insights:

• Christian: "it doesn't matter how you do it. There are different ways to do things however your relationship works, is the way that your relationship works. Don't feel that you've got to find a formula, but the key to me is that your relationship is your greatest asset, and that means that it'll take some nurturing, it'll take some investment, it'll take time, energy and effort, but gosh, it's worthwhile."
  
  
• Caroline: "'I'd say probably, is altruism, our second finding. Because, as I said, it's not much in the literature. And these couples that put the others needs before there's I could see that they had, again, this strong connection. And. So as we said, it's hard to do that in a in a society that says that everything's got to be about me, and it's about my needs, and if I'm not getting what I want from this relationship, then I'm out of here. But as one, as many of the couples actually said it's much easier to walk away and then to stay and fight for your marriage, you and me against the world, basically."
  
  
• Dave: "At so many levels, I love this idea of, I'll call it search inward, turn outward. That's how I like to think of this searching or what are my values and what are our values, and then turning outward with that altruism and how, what can I do for my spouse or my partner today to make their day better? It's this outward mindset, really, of thinking about the we rather than the me. I haven't heard that term hyper individualism, but man, I think that's, that's spot on. I feel like that's like the number one killer in relationships today."
  
  
• Liz: "You know what I'm really happy to hear Caroline and Christian say is that has benefited their marriage, because this five year study, I doubt there was a lot of income they were getting from this study. There was a lot of giving and listening and noting, and so I'm so pleased that there was this flip effect of blessing your own marriage. Really happy to hear that for you and another takeaway, I mean, one of my favorite events with the recent Olympic Olympics was synchronized diving, and I never thought about it to go for the gold. That the more difficult, the more points, the more opportunity for gold. I thought that was just brilliant."

Links:

In this episode of Stronger Marriage Connection, Dr. Dave Schramm and Dr. Liz
Hale chat with Maggie Reyes, a master certified life coach and marriage mentor. Maggie shares five powerful questions that women can use to improve their marriages, without needing their partner to change. These questions help women shift their mindset, engage their emotional intelligence, and create positive change in their relationships. Maggie emphasizes the importance of understanding our emotions, managing expectations, and grieving unmet hopes while building strong, lasting connections. Learn how asking the right questions can transform your marriage and empower you as a partner.

About Maggie:

Maggie Reyes is a Master Certified Life Coach and Modern Marriage Mentor who specializes in helping driven, ambitious women create their best marriages, without waiting for their partners to change or adding more work to their lives.

She is the creator of The Marriage MBA Program, a 6 month mentorship in creating a successful marriage using principles from positive psychology, cognitive science and simple coaching tools that you can learn today and apply tomorrow.

Maggie is the author of the best selling Questions for Couples Journal which has over 3,000 4 star ratings on Amazon. And she is the host of the The Marriage Life Coach Podcast which is consistently ranked among the top 2 percent podcasts out of over 2 million podcasts tracked by ListenNotes. When she isn’t teaching or coaching she loves obsessing over Formula 1 Racing, Bridgerton, reading fan fiction, sexy romance novels and watching superhero movies and Mexican Rom Coms with her hubby.

Insights:

• Maggie: "That you have choices, that you can think about what you want in your relationship and then take positive forward action towards that. I think that's the core of everything that I teach. And if someone is listening to us today and feeling frustrated or feeling sad, if I could just be that voice in your ear that says you have choices."
• Dave: "I'm going to actually combine both of your takeaways. I love that generosity Liz and the choices Maggie. I often call this, and it's been re iterated today. I think a challenge of lifetime. There are probably many challenges of lifetime. One of the those who stuck my mind lately, and it relates to what we're talking about today, is feeling disappointed, feeling feeling stressed, feeling worried, feeling irritated, even feeling angry, all those right, natural emotions we're going to feel those in our relationships. I believe this is difficult. That's why it's the challenge of a lifetime to feel all of that and still be kind, and still be generous."
  
  
• Liz: "That generosity is the highest form of love, being generous. And like you said, sometimes it doesn't, life doesn't call for that, right? But I think, especially in love and in marriage, generosity is often, I think, the call of the day. So I love that."

Links:

In this episode of the Stronger Marriage Connection, Dr. Dave Schramm and Dr. Liz Hale welcome betrayal trauma expert Dr. Crystal Hollenbeck to discuss the emotional complexities and recovery strategies for betrayal trauma. The conversation dives into the impact of betrayal, particularly the intense anger experienced by the betrayed partner, and how to navigate the healing process. Dr. Hollenbeck outlines therapeutic techniques, including her self-regulation model, and discusses why many partners remain in relationships post-betrayal. This episode is filled with practical advice, research-backed insights, and hope for those struggling to overcome the devastating effects of betrayal in relationships.

About:

Dr. Crystal Hollenbeck is a Betrayal Trauma Specialist and helps couples heal the wounds of
betrayal trauma. Her article recently published in the Journal of Sex and Marital Therapy
provides recommendations for clinicians to help betrayed partners manage the complexity of
betrayal trauma anger. Her book entitled, "Betrayal Trauma Anger: You are not crazy, you are
angry, and you should be" is coming soon.

Crystal is a Licensed Mental Health Counselor and a Florida State Qualified Supervisor for those seeking a license in Mental Health Counseling or Marriage and Family Therapy. In addition, she is also a Certified Professional Life Coach. Being a Therapist and a Life Coach gives her the unique ability to help clients heal from the past and live their best life today. Her approach to counseling and coaching is non-judgmental, caring, and solution focused. She believes counseling and coaching are an essential part of a person’s ability to live the life they desire and she strives to provide a counseling setting where you can feel safe to work through the difficulty you are facing with hope. Dedicating her life to helping others as a therapist and
coach is a result of post traumatic growth from her own personal life experiences.

Insights:

• Crystal - "Betrayal is a devastating injustice. And although you're going to feel like you're crazy, you're not crazy, you're angry and you should be."
  
  
• Dave - "I think the take home for me, at least one of the many, is that avoiding that self-blame, it's that all of a sudden that inward right and anger, anger turns this inward, and then it's some of this, you know, maybe outward at first, but then it's this inward of what? What did I do? Am I not skinny enough? Why? Why did they do kind of searching for the why and then blaming themselves for this? I love that message."
  
  
• Liz - "I've never heard the great advice around self-harm regarding using an ice cube, rubber band, rubber band, I've heard, but Ice Cube I haven't. I really love both of those, actually. So, thank you for that. Because as I get that, I get that you're just trying to use access to physical pain to release the emotional pain. Makes perfect sense, actually, but harmful. We're just continuing the on the harm, so we have to stop, and I really appreciate you bringing that to our attention."

Links:

In this episode of Stronger Marriage Connection, hosts Dr. Dave Schramm and Dr. Liz Hale sit down with Dr. Debi Gilmore, a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, to discuss Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT). Dr. Gilmore shares insights into how EFT helps couples strengthen their emotional bonds, navigate pain, and foster connection. She also offers practical tips couples can use to improve their relationships, including the “Four Mantras of Love” and the “ARE” model (Accessible, Responsive, Engaged). This episode is packed with strategies to help couples rediscover connection and navigate challenges in their relationships.

About Dr. Debi Gilmore:

Dr. Debi Gilmore is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, public speaker, professional educator, author, and co-owner of The EFT Counseling and Education Center, a large mental health clinic specializing in couples therapy serving Utah, Idaho, Wyoming, Nevada, and Arizona. Debi trains therapists seeking licensure or certification as an Emotionally Focused Therapist. She is co-founder and developer of the Building A Lasting Connection™ and Lasting Connection System™ mats. The Building A Lasting Connection™ (BLC) relationship program is based on her doctoral dissertation focused on premarital education. The Lasting Connection System™ mats and BLC program are being used by therapists and workshop facilitators across the world.

Insights:

• Debi: "The takeaway is I need to be better. I need to listen more intently, I need to love more abundantly, and I need to forgive more swiftly. So I'm going to say what I'm taking away is I will apply those things to myself."
• Dave: "I love acronyms. It's the R, the A, R, E, is it? Make sure I got to write the accessible, responsive and engaged."
• Liz: "It's really a combination of what the two of you have both talked about, I love that. What's the glory in your story? Dave, that's so beautiful. And for Debbie to suggest, when she first sits down with a couple, is to say, tell me about the first time you saw her. Tell me about the first time you saw him. For any of us to really go back in time, whether we've been married a year, 10 years, 30 years, 50 years, to remember those earlier times. They're precious, right? And they're powerful at the same time."

In this episode of the Stronger Marriage Connection podcast, hosts Dr. Dave Schramm and Dr. Liz Hale sit down with Christian St. Jacques, a holistic men's and relationship counselor, to explore the challenges men face in prioritizing mental health. Christian shares his journey of overcoming a dysfunctional family background, highlighting the importance of grounding oneself in purpose-driven values rather than performance-based identities. He discusses common obstacles men encounter, such as societal expectations and the struggle to balance roles as husbands and fathers. The conversation offers practical advice for men to achieve intentional growth and foster stronger connections in their relationships and communities.

About Christian St. Jaques:

bout Christian St. Jacques: Christian St. Jacques is a licensed mental health care associate (LMHCA) in Washington State who received his Masters in Counseling and Mental Health at Northwest University. He specializes in working with teens, young and older adult males, and couples. Christian draws from a variety of evidence-based approaches including Emotion Focused Therapy (EFT), Attachment, Family Systems model, Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), Solution Focused Therapy.

He addresses every client holistically by evaluating all biological, psychological, social, and spiritual variables that factor in an individual's mental health. Working within a variety of therapeutic frameworks that are adapted based on the needs of the individual or couple.

The issues and challenges that you bring to counseling will provide the context for our work. In your time together, you will explore any one or a combination but not limited to your cognitive mental models, current and past relational patterns to gain insight into the origins of your emotions, thoughts, and behaviors.

Christian St. Jacques Links:

Today Dr. Dave Schramm and Dr. Liz Hale sit down with Dr. Dean Busby, a seasoned professor from Brigham Young University, to delve into the truths and myths surrounding human sexuality. The discussion covers a wide range of topics, from gender differences and the impact of religiosity on sexual experiences to the challenges couples face across different life stages, including pregnancy and menopause. Dr. Busby offers expert advice on improving sexual relationships, emphasizing the importance of communication and understanding in fostering a strong, intimate connection.

About:

Dean M. Busby, Ph.D. is a professor in the School of Family Life at Brigham Young University. He received his Ph.D. in Family Therapy from Brigham Young University. Following his schooling he taught at Syracuse University and Texas Tech University, where he was the department chair, before returning to Brigham Young University. He is a published author of books, book chapters, and research articles in the area of marriage relationships, sexuality, assessment of couples, and relationship trauma. His research has garnered university and national awards and been funded by federal and state grants. Dr. Busby has taught at the university level for more than thirty years, primarily in the area of dating and marriage relationships, sexuality, and research methods. His courses are popular and well-received. Dr. Busby has been married for 40 years and he and his wife Colleen are the parents of three sons and the grandparents of 10 grandchildren.

Insights:

• Dean - “Start talking about sexuality; in your families and in your relationships. There isn’t a semester that goes by where I don’t cry with a student about the damage that has been done to their lives because a parent has felt like, “we can’t talk about that because that means they might experiment with it.” So they have had very difficult and unnecessary experiences just because of basic levels of ignorance. You have to stat talking to your kids. Fathers in-particular have to start doing a better job. They are the worst in the whole family as to who talks the least about sexuality -and they need to be in the middle of this conversation; for so many reasons that we know from research. Start talking with your children. Help them to feel comfortable that you are a trusted place to come and have a conversation about these bodies that they have and what’s going on with them."
• Liz - "“The sexual debut. How important that is for the man and the woman. What this responsibility is for us as parents – to talk to our young people about the expectations of that. Ladies first, we really base our sexual experience on the woman and that is such a responsibility for men; for their patience and their turning towards a woman. And, a woman also has a responsibility to ready herself for love making. So we both have responsibilities in this wonderful cycle of life and sexuality.”
• Dave - "“There is hope in any relationship if people – create a safe space and open up and communicate regardless of time passed.”

Dean’s Key To A Stronger Marriage Connection:

“You can’t change another person, you can only invite them to be in a relationship with the better you.” If you want to move your relationship, move yourself, then your partner because they love you, they will move with you. You can’t do it by pushing them in a particular direction, it just doesn’t work. "

Links:

Today Dr. Liz Hale and Dr. Ray Christner discuss the pivotal role fathers play in their daughters' lives. They explore how dads can empower their daughters, the significance of role models, and the importance of emotional intelligence. Dr. Christner shares practical examples and personal experiences, emphasizing the impact of everyday choices and the modeling of respectful behavior.

parenting #girldad #fatherdaughter

About Ray
Dr. Christner received a Bachelor’s degree in Psychology from the California University of Pennsylvania (now Pennsylvania Western University, California), where he continued to complete a Master’s degree and certification in School Psychology. He worked as a school psychologist for several years before returning to school for further education. He earned his Masters and Doctoral degrees in Clinical Psychology from the Philadelphia College of Osteopathic Medicine (PCOM; now The PCOM School of Professional and Applied Psychology).

Insights:

• Ray: Being a father is probably the most important job I've ever had, and maybe many ever will have. So just remembering our small everyday choices really do pave the way to our daughters having a refined definition of what their future looks like. So focus on those little, those little everyday choices.
• Liz: Creating that safety for when things don't go well. And being there before, during and after. For a child for a daughter. It's just that's just really beautiful. I think it's so crucial.

Links:

Today hosts Dave Schramm and Liz Hale discuss the intersection of positive psychology and Gottman research on marriage with Dr. Vagdevi Meunier. Dr. Meunier, a licensed psychologist and clinical assistant professor, shares insights on how couples can increase positivity in their relationships, explains the PERMA model from positive psychology, and discusses why 85% of couples report not having fun in their marriage anymore. Learn practical tips for fostering positivity, engagement, and connection in your relationship, and discover the importance of buffering your relationship from external stress. 

#marriageadvice #marriageandfamilytherapist #marriage #marriagecounselling

About:

Dr. Vagdevi Meunier (“Dr. V”) is a licensed clinical psychologist & Certified Master Gottman Therapist with over 30 years of experience in counseling, education & clinical consultation. Since 2000, she has held a Clinical Assistant Professorship at The University of Texas in Austin & previously taught as a professor at St. Edwards University for over 10 years. Dr. Meunier specializes in relationship therapy, specifically with couples & families. She has an extensive history & passion for multicultural psychology, especially eastern influences on psychological practice & cross-cultural relationship research.

As a Master Gottman Couples therapist & Professional Trainer for The Gottman Institute since 2006, Dr. Vagdevi Meunier leads “The Art and Science of Love” couples workshops locally in Austin, throughout the United States, as well as, Internationally. Dr. V has presented professionally in the US, Canada & India & incorporates mindfulness, neurobiology & positive psychology into her psychoeducational lectures. Dr. V published a chapter on Positive Couple Relationships from evidence based research around the world and has written several articles on the Gottman method of couples therapy.

Dr. Vagdevi Meunier is the founder & Executive Director of The Center for Relationships. She is the Advisor to all TCFR doctoral level trainees & therapist team members. Her mission behind TCFR is to promote and provide a community counseling, training & outreach center that specializes in helping relationships to flourish based on leading best practices and relationship science. The Counseling services & educational programs at TCFR include couples intensives, retreats, groups & community forums to support healthy relationships, conflict management & trust recovery.

Insights:

• Vagdevi: "It doesn't take a lot of time to make a difference, to increase positivity in your relationship, whether you're separated from your partner or in the same room with them. You can harness technology or you can just practice that engagement and positive emotions when you're face to face. And a little bit goes a long way. And our motto in Gottman work is "small things often."
  
  
• Dave: Couples can manage external stress effectively by working together as a team, preventing it from affecting their relationship. Despite coming home stressed, it's crucial not to take it out on each other. Although challenging, it's possible to remain kind even when frustrated or angry, highlighting the importance of choosing kindness in maintaining a strong relationship.
  
  
• Liz: I love the statement, "Darling, I'm hurting. Will you help me?" That was quite beautiful instead of the attack. It's just like, and having really that good feeling between us. Right? Like, I know you love me and I love you. Trust. That's trust, I believe.

Vagdevi Links:

Today Dr. Liz Hale and Dr. Dave Schramm sit down with Jessica Bishop, creator of Budget Savvy Bride. Jessica shares her knowledge on planning a beautiful wedding without breaking the bank. With practical tips on everything from using silk flowers to DIY projects, Jessica explains how couples can save money while still having a memorable day. She emphasizes the importance of focusing on the marriage itself rather than just the wedding day. Listeners will gain valuable insights on budgeting, planning, and prioritizing for their special day.

About:

Jessica Bishop is the founder of TheBudgetSavvyBride.com, the #1 online resource to help couples all across the world plan a beautiful wedding on a budget they can actually afford. Jessica is a wedding industry veteran and wedding budget expert. Jessica has seen weddings from nearly every angle throughout her career– from her early days working at a wedding cake bakery at the age of 15 to doing catering service, wedding photography, invitation designing, and day-of coordination… to being a bride herself! She’s infused her 360-degree wedding experiences from the last 25 years to build a comprehensive wedding planning resource to help couples through the planning process with less expense *and* less stress! In 2018, Jessica squeezed all her best tips, advice, and checklists into her book, The Budget- Savvy Wedding Planner & Organizer, which has been a #1 Best Seller on Amazon many times over! Over 225,000 copies have been sold to date.

Insights:

• Jessica: Wedding planning serves as a valuable testing ground for marriage, teaching lessons in decision-making, prioritizing, compromising, and communication, ultimately helping to build a strong relationship foundation. Enjoy the process and be intentional in your efforts.
• Dave: To reduce stress and avoid misunderstandings, couples should openly share their expectations and visions for their wedding from the start. Understanding each other's perspectives and maintaining constant communication about decisions and finances will help manage differences and foster compromise throughout the planning process.
• Liz: Dr. Bill Doherty suggests that the process of wedding planning marks the beginning of the marriage itself, serving as a significant test for the couple. Each wedding, like a marriage, is unique, reflecting the personalities and histories of the couple. It’s important to remember that minimizing time, money, and stress are key factors in making the experience memorable.

Jessica Bishop Links:

Starting July 1, we will be releasing bonus content from previously unreleased discussions from select season two episodes. 

In this episode, the Stronger Marriage Connection team—Dr. Dave Schramm, Dr. Liz Hale, Sarah Gowans, and Rex Polanis—wrap up Season 2 with a mailbag episode. They address various audience questions about managing transitions to parenthood, dealing with mental health issues, navigating infertility, and handling physical illness in relationships. The team provides insightful advice and personal stories, emphasizing the importance of communication, support, and mutual understanding. Tune in for valuable tips and heartfelt discussions to strengthen your marriage and relationships. 

Today Dr. Dave and Dr. Liz welcome Alec Atkinson, founder and CEO of Harvest React, to discuss side hustles for married couples. Alec shares insights on starting and managing side hustles, the importance of financial freedom, and the impact on relationships. He provides valuable advice on avoiding scams and ensuring both partners are on the same page. The discussion also highlights success stories and the potential benefits of e-commerce side hustles.

About Alec Atkinson:

Alec Atkinson is the founder and CEO of HarvestReact, a social media marketing and e-
commerce company he founded in June 2021. HarvestReact helps people thrive in e-
commerce, having hundreds of clients in its flagship program. Before his entrepreneurial
journey, Alec served as a missionary for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints in
Chicago, Illinois, from 2019 to 2021. Alec graduated from BYU in Business Strategy this past
December. Alec also helps oversee the deployment of capital for two niche hedge funds and a family office in the private banking world.

Insights:

• Alec: You can feel encouraged to pursue a side hustle, as it can be a great opportunity. Be careful and vigilant, seek best practices, and educate yourself thoroughly. Once you're ready, dive in and enjoy the journey. It might be challenging, but it will be either rewarding or a valuable learning experience. Find the benefit and joy in everything you do.
• Dave: You might find the idea of side hustles for couples intriguing, especially if you enjoy thinking about new ideas and taking them to the next level. While the creative process can be exciting, it's important to remember that it's not for everyone. People have different personalities and risk tolerances, and side hustles can sometimes cause stress and strain relationships. It's crucial to be on the same page with your partner, do your homework, and work as a team to ensure a successful and enjoyable experience.
• Liz: There are ways to pursue a side hustle and to do it fairly safely, where you can really minimize some of the risk. If it is in someone's heart and mind to really find ways to access extra money and finances because you have a dream for your family, I'm all about it and it sounds like Harvest React would really be something to look into.

Alec Atkinson Links:

Today, we are joined by, Licensed Clinical Social Worker and psychotherapist Sean Grover to discusses the challenges of maintaining a couple-centered marriage amidst the demands of parenting. Grover, an expert with over 25 years of experience, shares insights from his books and provides practical tips for preventing parent burnout. The episode emphasizes the importance of self-care, creativity, and effective communication in strengthening marital bonds and fostering a happier family life.

About Sean:

Sean Grover is a psychotherapist and best-selling author with over 25 years of experience.
Sean has appeared on the Today Show and over 200 podcasts and radio shows, and leads one
of the largest group therapy practices in the United States.

Insights:

• Sean:Don't give up. It's never too late to start again. You can retrain your brain, even after years of chronic illness. I was reading about people who overcame 22 years of illness by retraining their minds. I have a young patient with an incurable intestinal disease who has been symptom and medication-free for two years now. Remember, people are more adaptable than we think. You can challenge and change behaviors and rewire your brain. So, don't give up.
• Liz: Your happiness as a panent is so important to your child. It's everything. When you, as a parent, genuinely enjoy parenting your child, it sends positive messages that you might not even realize. Even if you're a newlywed or haven't had children yet, it's never too early to focus on what kind of parent you want to be. Think about what you want to embrace and how you want to show up in the world of parenting.

Sean's Links:

In this episode of the Stronger Marriage Connection Podcast, hosts Dr. Dave Schramm and Dr. Liz Hale sit down with licensed Marriage and Family Therapist Kyle Barth. They discuss the foundation of healthy relationships, focusing on trust, boundaries, and overcoming obstacles. Kyle Barth shares his professional journey and personal insights into creating safe, connected, and value-based relationships. Listeners will gain valuable tools and perspectives for improving their relationships and understanding the complexities of trauma and trust.

#marriage #buildingtrust #relationshipgoals #couplestherapy

About Kyle Barth:

I'm not your typical relationship therapist. Yes, I'm a licensed marriage and family therapist with over a decade of experience, but here's the twist: I've been through divorce myself. Unexpected, right? Life has a funny way of steering us in unexpected directions. However, this experience further ignited my passion to help others build safe, secure, and connected relationships. 

My mission is to empower individuals to cultivate confidence and foster healthy,
empowering, and connected relationships. By incorporating trauma-informed and
evidenced based therapy practices, I create a safe haven for healing, honesty, and
growth. I'll walk alongside you as you rewrite the script of your story. But beyond my role as a therapist, my proudest title is "dad." Nothing brings me more joy than spending quality time with my kids. When I'm not immersed in the world of therapy, I indulge my love for the great outdoors, cheer on the Utah Jazz, and love reading. Let's embark on a journey of self-discovery and transformation, unlocking your potential for meaningful connections and personal growth. You matter!

Insights:

• Kyle: You're capable of having the relationship of your dreams, no matter your current situation or past experiences. Whether you're 60 years old and have never been married, have never had a long-term relationship, or have been divorced three times, you can still achieve that dream relationship. It may not look like what you envisioned earlier in life or even right now, but it can become a reality for you. It might require letting go of past relationships or changing how you've been doing things, but you're capable of making it happen.
• Dave: One thing that might stand out about ways of thinking is the concept of the marriage of your dreams. Initially, you might think of a fairy tale, like a Disney ending with music, dancing, and everyone focusing on the couple. However, that's not reality. The marriage of your dreams can mean feeling safe, happy, and connected, with your partner as your best friend, by your side through all the ups and downs. That's what many truly want and long for.
• Liz: We are always changing, and I think that's really great. To try something new, we often talk about marriage 2.0, but I've even had a couple say this is marriage 10.0 because of constant change. We need to be willing to let go of old patterns. Just as our internal bodies and organs are changing, we are part of that process, and we need to embrace it intentionally in our marriages.

Kyle Barth Links:

Today In this important episode of the Stronger Marriage Connection podcast,
Dr. Lauren Barnes shares her extensive knowledge about eating disorders and body image,
exploring their impact on individuals and relationships. Offering hope and healing, Dr. Barnes
discusses the prevalence, recovery, and the critical importance of addressing these issues
within marriages. Listeners will learn from an expert in the field about the signs, effects, and
treatment options for eating disorders, making this a valuable resource for those seeking to
understand or cope with these conditions.

About Lauren Barnes:

Dr. Lauren A. Barnes, LMFT is an Associate Clinical Professor in the School of Family
Life and the Clinical Director for BYU’s Marriage & Family Therapy graduate program.
Prior to her faculty appointment at BYU in 2013, she worked as a therapist at Center for
Change treating girls and women struggling with eating disorders within a residential
treatment setting. She maintains a small private practice where she primarily works with
those struggling with body image, eating disorders, and life challenges within their
families. Dr. Barnes grew up in a multicultural multigenerational home with her native
Cuban grandparents, mom, dad, and siblings in the Pacific Northwest. During her free
time, Lauren loves baking (especially cakes and cookies) walking or hiking, playing
piano, and loves socializing with good friends and family. One of her current passions is
speaking at women’s body image retreats because it combines her love of connecting
with people, learning, and engaging in fun activities. She is married to Aaron and they
have a son and daughter

Insights:

• Lauren: Eating disorders are widespread, affecting up to 9% of the population. Eating disorders are complex and they are not solely about food consumption or exercise habits. Instead, they require well-researched, specialized care and attention. Anyone struggling with an eating disorder is encouraged to seek help, as numerous resources and support options are available.
• Dave: There is significant and prolonged stress that both partners in a relationship can experience when dealing with an eating disorder. It is important to acknowledging the struggle and the impact it can have on a relationship. It is important to seek help, learn more about eating disorders, and communicate concerns to a partner in a caring and supportive manner.
• Liz: The thought of function over feature is quite beautiful. Even in just talking about it to our kids, the focus is on your body is so strong, we can go run now let's go run this hill. Isn't that wonderful? Our bodies can do this. And we're breathing and we don't even know it and our whole, all these organs are working in unison, and without us having to direct them. The body is phenomenal.

Links:

Instagram: @drlaurenabarneslmft
Email: Lauren_Barnes@byu.edu

Visit our site for FREE relationship resources and regular giveaways:

In Episode 85 of "Stronger Marriage Connection," Dr. Dave Schramm talks with Dr. Liz about his extensive experience and the wealth of resources available for enhancing family and marital relationships. He shares insights on various tools and methods, such as positive psychology and educational resources, aimed at helping individuals improve their happiness and relational dynamics. This episode serves as a valuable resource for anyone looking to foster better relationships and personal growth.

Insights:

• Mallory: The daily structure of the journal, and the small daily prompts encourage personal growth and mood enhancement. This principle of making small, consistent efforts, such as exercising or eating well, extends beyond journaling to improve one's overall quality of life and maintain positivity.
• Dave: Small, frequent actions are important in improving one's life. There is an abundance of virtual resources available today for support in various aspects of life, such as parenting and marriage. As an extension specialist, Dave’s role involves curating and recommending the best research-based resources to the public, ensuring that people have access to high-quality support materials.
• Liz: The journal is a great resource for college students. We might not think the drip, drip, drip is enough, but just a little bit, consistently. It goes a very long way.

Episode Links:

In this episode of the "Stronger Marriage Connection" podcast, hosts Dave Schramm and Liz Hale are joined by certified sex therapist Jessa Zimmerman. They delve into common sexual issues faced by couples, focusing on sexual desire discrepancies and strategies for maintaining a strong marital connection. Jessa provides invaluable insights into reactive and proactive desires, the sexual avoidance cycle, and the impacts of pressure and expectations on sexual intimacy.

About Jessa Zimmerman:

Jessa Zimmerman is a licensed couples’ counselor and nationally certified sex therapist. She
works in private practice in Seattle, WA. Over the course of her therapy career, she has focused almost exclusively on helping couples with their emotional and sexual intimacy. In her years of clinical experience, Zimmerman has treated hundreds of couples who have struggled to feel sexual desire and fulfillment. Her clients describe having a good relationship in other ways, but their sex life has become difficult to the point that they start to avoid sex. These are people who love each other but are struggling to have a sex life they both enjoy. She specializes in helping these couples who find that sex has become stressful, negative, disappointing, or pressured. She educates, coaches, and supports people as they go through her 4 pillar experiential process that allows them real world practice in changing their relationship and their sex life, guiding them to become easily intimate.

Zimmerman received her Master’s in Psychology from LIOS college of Saybrook University and
Sex Therapist certification from the American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors,
and Therapists (AASECT). She has done extensive training in couples’ therapy, with a focus on
Crucible® Therapy with Dr. David Schnarch. She is the author of Sex Without Stress; A Couple’s Guide to Overcoming Disappointment, Avoidance & Pressure. She is the host of the Better Sex Podcast and has appeared on numerous other podcasts as an expert guest. She is the creator of the Intimacy With Ease Method and founder of The Desire Spa, an online course for women with little to no libido. She is a regularly featured expert in the media, including Refinery29, Marriage.com, Business Insider, and Mind Body Green. She lives in Seattle with her partner.

Insights:

• Jessa: One cannot fail in sex if they shift their mindset to view it simply as a source of pleasure and connection, without attaching to specific outcomes. By embracing this approach, sexual experiences can become easy and enjoyable, even if they differ from previous expectations or desires. The key lies in accepting and adapting to these differences, which opens limitless possibilities for enjoyment and satisfaction.
• Dave: Moods for sexual activity evolve over time, there is a contrast between the constant readiness (proactive mood) in early stages of relationships with the need to actively engage or transition into feeling ready (reactive mood) as time progresses. If couples only engaged in sex when both partners were spontaneously in the mood, they might seldom have sex. Love the concepts of reactive and proactive desire, and engaging physically can lead to a physiological response where the body releases dopamine and serotonin, aligning physical readiness with emotional desire.
• Liz: Sex is like going to a playground, we don't know how long we're going to stay. We're not sure what we're going to enjoy once we get there. But we are going to enjoy it. It's not about the outcome or the goal.

Jessa Zimmerman Links:

Today hosts Liz Hale and Dave Schramm talk with Arlene Pellicane, an author and speaker specializing in marriage and parenting. As the national spokesperson for National Marriage Week, Arlene shares insightful tips for nurturing a strong marital connection. The discussion emphasizes daily connections, weekly date nights, and the significance of prioritizing marriage in today's world.

About Arlene Pellicane

Arlene Pellicane is the National Spokesperson for National Marriage Week. She's a top
marriage and parenting author and speaker, and has appeared on several media outlets
like the Today Show, Wall Street Journal, Focus on the Family, Fox & Friends, TLC’s
Home Made Simple, FamilyLife Today, and The 700 Club. She’s also the host of the
Happy Home podcast and the author of several books including 31 Days to a Happy
Husband, and 31 Days to Becoming a Happier Wife. She is married to James, her
husband of more than 25 years, and they have three children - Ethan, Noelle and Lucy.

Insights:

• Arlene: the importance of having a service-oriented attitude in marriage, one that
  asks, "What can I do for you?" rather than "What can you do for me?" By focusing on small acts of kindness, like bringing a glass of water or leaving a loving note, you can demonstrate love and commitment to your spouse. This approach leads to an active and controllable part in the relationship, fostering appreciation and reciprocation from your partner. Arlene underscores the need to consistently prioritize your spouse's needs and to take the initiative in showing care and service. She expresses hope that listeners will recognize the value in their marriages, take active steps to cherish them, and thereby inspire future generations to value the institution of marriage
• Dave appreciates Arlene's insights on maintaining an outward mindset and the importance of being intentional in marriage. He reflects on his parents' impressive 58-year marriage, recognizing it as a model for what he strives to achieve in his own family life. With his spouse and their four children, they make a concerted effort to show the importance of their marriage. They prioritize their relationship, with regular date nights, emphasizing to their children that their partnership is a priority. Dave acknowledges the need for planning and intentionality to prevent drifting apart in marriage, valuing daily, weekly, monthly, and yearly connections.
• Liz appreciates the concept that individuals can often get caught up in a mindset of expecting more from their partners without recognizing their own contributions. In her marriage therapy sessions, she frequently observes that when a person perceives they're not receiving enough from their partner, it's typically reflective of not giving enough themselves. This realization is a good foundation for addressing marital issues. Liz also highlights the decline in marriage rates from previous generations to millennials, and says that aunts, uncles, and parents bear a significant responsibility to promote the value of marriage. She stresses that it is crucial for them to model strong marriages themselves, to reinforce the positive message about marriage.

Arlene Pellicane Links:

Today Dave Schramm and Liz Hale explore the profound insights of doctors John and Julie Gottman's latest book, "The Seven Day Love Prescription". They delve into practical advice taken from extensive research on thousands of couples, focusing on strengthening relationships through simple actions and deeper understanding. They discuss the significance of turning towards your partner, the power of touch, the importance of asking open-ended questions, and the brain's tendency to focus on negativity. This episode provides valuable tips for fostering a deeper connection and revitalizing your marriage by incorporating daily habits that enhance love and affection.

Insights:

• Dave: Slowing down and understanding your partner’s world takes humility. I love the word compassion, as we've talked about humility. And let me add gratitude; expressions of appreciation for the little things of being thoughtful. Kindness and gratitude is two sides of the same coin. When someone is kind, hopefully the other person is grateful. And they recognize that and understand each other's worlds. It’s hard to settle on one thing, but kindness could change a marriage. Slow down and be a little more kind, little more gentle, a little more thoughtful.
• Liz: You know, what I have loved is how we've talked about how healthy "we" consists of healthy "me" and I'm really the only person in the relationship that can really guarantee how I show up right? I am only in control of me. So I think when I show up paramount with kindness, I think that is the key.

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In this eye-opening episode, hosts Dave Schramm and Liz Hale talk with Dr. Jason Carroll to debunk the soulmate myth. They explore the impact of soulmate thinking on relationships and discuss how lasting connections are forged through intentional effort and growth. Drawing on the report "The Soulmate Trap," the conversation highlights the importance of virtues, responsible behaviors, and shared life goals over predestined destiny beliefs.

About Jason Carroll

Jason S. Carroll is an internationally recognized expert on flourishing marriages and readiness
for marriage among young adults. He currently serves as the Director of the Family Initiative at
the Wheatley Institute at Brigham Young University, and he is also a Senior Fellow of the
Institute for Family Studies. He has also been a faculty member in BYU’s School of Family for the last 23 years. In 2014, Dr. Carroll received the Berscheid-Hatfield Award for Distinguished Mid-Career Achievement, a biennial award given for distinguished scientific achievement by the International Association for Relationship Research (IARR). This award was given to him
primarily to acknowledge his significant theoretical contributions to the field of marriage
studies. Dr. Carroll is best known professionally for his development of the “Developmental
Model of Marital Competence,” the widely used “Marital Horizon Theory” of young adult
readiness for marriage, and “Sexual Restraint Theory” which has been used to demonstrate the
benefits to couples who wait until they are married to begin their sexual relationship. Most
recently, Dr. Carroll has received recognition for his new “STRIVE-4 Model of Virtue” that
provides a comprehensive model to organize and guide a mature science of virtue.

Insights

• Jason, "We need to actively mentor the younger generation within our spheres of influence, like in family and in work spaces. Think about how we can collectively restore the confidence and the sense of agency and choice. By sharing the realities of a genuine relationship—its challenges and its rewards—we can help restore the younger generation's confidence in and aspiration for enduring, loving marriage."
• Dave, "Mature love in healthy relationships is characterized by outward focus and contribution, whereas immature love fixates inwardly on personal needs and disappointments. With mature love and immature love, there is always a choice."
• Liz, "The focus is not so much on happiness, but on meaningfulness. All parts of our relationships, the highs and the lows, that’s why we're here. That's what gives us meaning. And I love the idea of the growth belief versus the destiny belief."

Jason's Links

In this insightful episode of "Stronger Marriage Connection," hosts Liz Hale and Dave Schramm engage in a powerful discussion with Dr. Carly LeBaron about the complexities of and navigational strategies for couples facing faith crises and faith transitions in their marriage. Dr. LeBaron, an active marriage and family therapist, sheds light on the emotional and relational dynamics of mixed-faith marriages, and faith transitions in marriage, offering valuable advice for couples to maintain harmony and understanding despite differing faith perspectives.

About Carly LeBaron:
Dr. Carly LeBaron has a MS and PhD degrees in Marriage and Family Therapy and is a practicing therapist in Logan, Utah. She owns New Beginnings Therapy, a group private practice in Logan, where she specializes in women's mental, emotional, and relational health, faith crisis/faith transition, perfectionism and people-pleasing, eating disorders and body image, couples therapy, and more. She has authored two self-help books, "Shattering the Porcelain: Overcoming Perfectionism and People- Pleasing and Becoming the Real You," and "Some Body to Love: 12 Weeks to a Better Body Image" and offers online courses in mental health through therapyinanutshell.com. In her spare time, she loves to write, read, garden, create, camp, and spend time with friends and family. She is married to her best friend, has three amazing sons, and a Shih Tzu named Bandit who is in training to become a therapy animal.

Insights:

• Carly: "Keep in mind that you're suffering in your own way, and your partner’s suffering may be in a different way. So, if you’re able to kind of create a space where it's okay for both of you to be hurting at the same time. It opens up a lot of conversations instead of shutting things down with defensiveness."
• Dave: "Even if we have differences, we can still be kind. We can still choose to be kind to each other It's challenging but, be respectful of each other and even negotiate when you're negotiating with kids and practices and things. Kindness, kindness. Above all, through this, through the challenges you can still choose to be kind."
• Liz: "I love that whole idea that validation doesn't necessarily mean agreement. It really just means your perspective matters to me, which really means you matter to me."

Dr. Carly LeBaron Links:

Today Sage Allen discusses the stresses and challenges she's encountered with her son who has severe autism and how this affects her marriage. Sage opens up about the raw realities of day-to-day care, and how important it is to make time for both self-care and date nights. Sage shares tips for other parents who find themselves overwhelmed and exhausted, including intentionally finding the good in each day and reaching out for support systems, including online groups.

This episode highlights Mark and Jill Savage, a couple who have worked through some very difficult challenges in their marriage, including infidelity. They have been married nearly 40 years now. Together they share why they decided to make things work rather than divorce and open up about how they've been able to make their marriage stronger. Whether you've experienced infidelity or you're just going through some rough patches, you'll benefit from the many insights from our discussion.

About Mark & Jill Savage:

Mark and Jill Savage are passionate about encouraging, educating, and equipping families and marriages. After serving in church ministry for twenty years, the Savage’s are now meeting the needs of families as authors, speakers, and coaches. Known for their honesty, humor, and
practical teaching, Mark and Jill bring hope and encouragement to every audience.

Jill is the host of the No More Perfect Podcast and the author of fourteen books, including the
bestselling No More Perfect Moms. Together Mark and Jill have created five online marriage
courses and authored several books including No More Perfect Marriages, I Really Messed Up,
and My Heart Is Broken. The parents of five adult children, and grandparents of six, the
Savage’s make their home in Normal, IL.

Insights:

• Mark - Mine is on of a faith response. Its to humble yourself. Grab hold of the hand of Daddy God, and let Him lead you through the mess.
• Jill - There is hope and, and redemption available. Whether a marriage makes it or not, there's hope and redemption available. And so I think that it's, you know, that's kind of where I sat, you know, whether my marriage makes it or not, I have some growth to do.
• Dave - Having humility, compassion, positivity; fundamental values for relationships, and I can't echo that enough. And that no matter where you are in your relationship, that we're going to hit these rough patches, some more serious than others. I feel like if we would forget the person that we thought we married and get to work on the relationship with the person that we did marry and focus we’d find enjoyment and remind ourselves, the principal that we remember what we rehearse, we remember what we review. And if we're reviewing the negative, and the mess and the yuckiness that we don't like, then that's what we will remember. But if we can flip the script that you talked about, refocus, change that heart, and search inward and turn outward.
• Liz - Let work to flip the script, to crucify the negative and celebrate the positive. Because whatever I do focus on grows, and I'll find the evidence of whatever I believe I'll find it.

Mark & Jill Link:

Dave and Liz talk with Amberly Lambertsen about the importance of prioritizing fun in your relationship. From laughing at the little things and making time for fun date nights to sharing silly memes to planning and talking about your next fun getaway. Couples who laugh and play together are more likely to stay together.

About Amberly Lambertsen:
Amberly Lambertsen is a Certified Family Life Educator. She received her Bachelor’s degree in Family Studies and her Master's of Education with an emphasis in Family Life Education. Amberly has a specific passion for marriage relationships and helping couples make their marriage a priority throughout every stage of life. She believes that by making time for the personal and romantic side of your marriage every day you are creating a strong foundation for the other pieces of your partnership to thrive and your relationship to last a lifetime. In addition to creating a long lasting marriage, Amberly believes couples should create a relationship they enjoy and want to continue to be part of. With creative date night solutions, tips for increased emotional and physical intimacy, ideas for creating more fun, and practical ways couples can focus on their marriage, Amberly helps couples make time to build and enjoy their marriage relationship every single day throughout every stage of life.

Insights:

• Amberly: "Just find one thing you can do today to have fun together. What's one thing you can do this week, or you can do today to have fun together, and then do it again tomorrow and find something new or find something old, whatever that is just take an opportunity to have fun.
• Dave: "Make your relationship a priority. If you don't, then you naturally have this natural flow to isolation that you naturally will drift apart. So, couples who are intentionally creating the fun, whether it's spontaneous or let's plan something, those are the couples who I think will thrive rather than just trying to survive in their in their marriages and their relationships."
• Liz: "There’s no one I'd rather laugh with than my husband. I love laughing with him. He is one of my favorite people to laugh with. And I really want it to continue to be that safe harbor for him."