Stronger Marriage Connection

Be sure to watch this episode on YouTube:

Besure to watch this episode on YouTube:

Be sure to watch this and every epsidoe of the podcast on YouTube:

Be sure to watch this and every epsidoe of the podcast on YouTube:

Be sure to watch this and every epsidoe of the podcast on YouTube:

Be sure to watch this and every epsidoe of the podcast on YouTube:

Today in this powerful episode, certified sex therapist Natasha Helfer joins Dave Schramm and Liz Hale to discuss the complex relationship between sexual health, faith, and cultural messages. Natasha sheds light on the damaging effects of sexual shame, the influence of purity culture, and the importance of open communication around intimacy. She offers actionable advice for parents, couples, and individuals to foster healthier sexual relationships, overcome shame, and approach intimacy with compassion and understanding. This conversation is filled with insights to help listeners navigate their sexual and relational well-being.

About Natasha:

The owner and founder of Symmetry Counseling. Natasha Helfer received her bachelor’s degree in Psychology from Brigham Young University and her master’s degree in Marriage and Family Therapy from Friends University. She also received her certifications as a sex therapist and sex therapist supervisor from the American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors, and Therapists (AASECT). 

Natasha is licensed as a Marriage and Family Therapist in Kansas and Utah. She is also an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist. 

Insights:

• Natasha: "...sexual shame is a public health crisis. It really is a crisis. And living here in Utah, we've got, you know, air crisis. You know, our air is kind of polluted, and we passed the thing about pornography being a crisis. I mean, you know, there's lots of ideas about what is a crisis, but I really, truly believe that sexual shame hits. So deep and can affect so many things, physical things, like vaginismus, like erections, like stomach issues, you know, like indigestion, like immune immunity systems. It can affect our emotional health. You know, if we have sexual shame, it can lead to depression, anxiety, it can lead to scrupulosity and OCD."
• Liz: "Those who have chosen to not have sex before marriage, or at least not in this relationship, they wanted to say that and to be really instructive of them to someone right, a professional or a parent or a friend an auntie, to say, let's talk about what you can expect. Let's talk about really giving yourself some time on that even, I think you said three to six months, maybe Natasha right to really get your bodies adjusted and how this is going to be, and ways to converse about your sexuality and your preferences. Don't expect that just to take off on that first night. There's a lot of disappointment, a lot of shame. I think that comes from that not being what you're what you think your partner wanted."
• Dave: "We talked a little bit about parenting and the approach the parents take, they have to be proactive and intentional, thoughtful about the messages. Because, Natasha, you talked about you can take, you know, one direction and induce more shame, or it can be a positive, uplifting experience for parents that they've got to be willing and you have to talk about this topic. So I think, yes, first, I think it starts with parents and when children are young, and then keeping it it's not a one and done conversation, keeping that conversation going. And yes, absolutely. Couples before marriage, got to be able to talk and then keep the conversation going afterwards. It can't be something that all sudden. It's just silent and we don't talk about afterwards, or that was uncomfortable, or what happened there, and it's now I'm embarrassed and the shame cycle, wow, we've got to be able to, just as a broader society be able to talk and share and be open and honest in our conversation."

Links:

Dr. Daniel Carlson joins Dave and Liz to discuss the division of household labor and its impact on marital satisfaction. From managing the mental load to ensuring fairness, Dr. Carlson shares research-backed strategies for balancing responsibilities at home. They explore the effects of the pandemic on gender roles, the importance of communication, and how couples can navigate household responsibilities to strengthen their relationships. This episode offers practical tips and insights for couples at all life stages, helping them foster mutual support and appreciation in their partnership.

#marriageadvice #householdchores #genderroles

This engaging episode highlights the importance of communication, fairness, and shared responsibility, offering actionable strategies to build stronger and more equitable relationships. Tune in for valuable insights and expert advice.

About

Dan Carlson is an associate professor of Family and Consumer Studies at the University of Utah and a Senior Fellow at the Council on Contemporary Families. He is a public scholar whose research has appeared in numerous television, print, and radio media outlets. Generally, his scholarship examines the causes and consequences of the Second Demographic Transition in U.S. society with a particular focus on the gendered division of labor. Currently, he is conducting an NSF-funded study examining long-term shifts in U.S. parents' divisions of labor since the beginning of the COVID-19 pandemic and their association with parents' well-being.

Insights

• Daniel - "Don't sleep on the division of labor. You know, it may not be fun to talk about, it may not be sexy to talk about, but it's important to have these conversations with your partner about what you and they envision the load to be in your family. Who's going to do what you know, if you don't talk about it, you run the risk, potentially, of having somebody who has very different idea about these things, and that can potentially be problematic, so have that conversation, and, you know, make sure that the approach on the same page well, but when it comes to who's going to do what."
• Liz - "Instead of work life, balance, work life, justice, I kind of liked that a lot. I was just looking at the definition of justice as a concern for justice, peace and genuine respect for people, which I love. And I guess it goes back to the communication of even just acknowledging that I'm not going to be home much this week before six o'clock, Honey, can we talk about how that's going to go and just what you're going to need from me most, and what I'm going to need from you most? Can we? Can I pick your brain? Can we have that discussion? I think that's just so lovely, because it really is not going to be that that balance. I think some weeks are just going to be very off balance because of life."
• Dave - "It's got me thinking that you we really can divide responsibilities without dividing the relationship, if you will. It's and sometimes it's the give and take."

In this episode, Lesli Doares joins Dave and Liz to discuss the Hero Husband Project and practical ways husbands can strengthen their marriages. From building emotional safety and communication skills to creating a marriage blueprint, Lesli offers actionable advice for nurturing connection and fostering mutual respect. With over 20 years of experience, Lesli empowers husbands to step into their roles as partners and grow their relationships with intention. Whether it’s addressing common mistakes or implementing small, impactful changes, this episode is a must-listen for anyone looking to deepen their marital bond.

#menmatter #mentalhealthmatters #menandmarriage #marriageaadvice

About

Lesli Doares brings over twenty years of experience working with individuals and couples as a
coach and therapist. Combined with her personal experience in an almost 40-year relationship
with her husband, she has created a paradigm shift in marriage so it can become a space where both partners feel respected and included.

Lesli is well known for her direct but compassionate approach – gentle, but total honesty is
what you’ll get. Her commitment to her marriage and children led her to crisscross the country a couple of times until the L. A. girl settled down in the South. She brings this fusion of cultures to both her business and her life.

She is also the author of Blueprint for a Lasting Marriage: How to Create Your Happily Ever After with More Intention, Less Work and Being a Hero Husband: How to Make Your Wife (and You) Happy.

Insights

• Lesli - "Relationships are only natural up to a point, and then they need some skills. You actually need to know how to work through these things. Because everybody you know, love is something that needs to be attended to. You need to feed it. You need to make sure that it's you know, because it can ebb and flow, and if we want to keep it going, we actually have to focus on it. And if we just leave relationships to chance, they're not going to work very well."
• Liz - "There's just not enough support for men. So, Leslie, I'm so glad that it's you. I love this whole idea of the hero husband, because it's true, they want to be heroes, and we want them to be our heroes. So certain things we as women need to do and need to stop doing. And, to make room for him to show up as a husband. And I love your thought for husbands about the physical and emotional safety for women. If they could really focus on that, gosh, we'll respond favorably."
• Dave - "I think there's some things as husbands that we can do better, more of, less of. I think one of those for me is to listen past the edge of the voice or the tone, and I think beneath the problem is pain. So looking for the pain beneath the problem the pain point is there fear? Is there frustration? Is there an unmet need, perhaps that's beneath all that. So, listen past that, instead of reacting and trying to get defensive. Listen to what's really hurting, what is underneath all of that, and how can I respond to that, instead of respond to the maybe the edge or the tone of the voice?"

Links

Today Dr. Brandon Porter joins Dave and Liz to explore the importance of intentionality and creativity in keeping date nights alive. Brandon shares practical tips for busy couples, including the role of planning, novelty, and nostalgia in fostering connection. With a focus on affordability and accessibility, the conversation highlights how even small, intentional efforts can reignite romance and strengthen relationships. Whether it’s a cozy at-home date or a fresh experience, couples will find inspiration to prioritize quality time together.

#marrieddating #marriageadvice #datingtips #datingideas #noveltyinmarriage

About

Brandon obtained a master's degree in family and human development and a PhD in education, both from Utah State University. He has developed curriculum for, presented on, and teaches college-level courses in marriage and family relationships. Brandon and his wife, Danielle, have created resources to support partners in deepening their friendship, increasing their harmony, and keeping date night alive. They've been married for 20 years and are the parents of 6 kids.

Insights

• Brandon - "When it comes to consistent date nights. Don't make it perfect, just make it happen."
• Liz - "I love the anticipation. That's something I'm going to apply. Starting today. We have a couple things coming up, and I'm going to send Benny a couple texts on that, anticipating and being together for whatever it might be."
• Dave - "I love the nostalgia idea. I love the novelty, the fun, the creativity. Togetherness, and I love that it's planned, intentional time, that togetherness."

Links

Today Dr. Dave Schramm interviews co-host Dr. Liz Hale on the best strategies for finding the right marriage therapist. They discuss what to look for, key questions to ask, and the importance of fit and specialized training in couples therapy. Whether you're considering marriage therapy for the first time or want to ensure you're working with the right professional, this episode provides practical advice to navigate the process effectively.

About Dr. Liz Hale

Dr. Liz Hale is a passionate marriage and family therapist with over 30 years of experience
helping couples navigate the complexities of their relationships. Whether working with those
eager to save their marriage or couples uncertain about their future together, Dr. Liz creates a
safe, supportive space to explore the best path forward. Her flexible private practice allows for
extended sessions tailored to each couple's unique needs, blending joint and individual
consultations to foster open communication and effective progress.

Dr. Liz’s approach is rooted in personal experience and professional expertise. She understands the challenges of marriage firsthand, viewing it as both a humbling teacher and a source of profound fulfillment. With a doctorate in Clinical Psychology and specialized training from renowned experts like Dr. John Gottman, Dr. Sue Johnson, and Dr. David Burns, she integrates research-backed methods with personalized care to help couples thrive.

As a former host of KSL's The Dr. Liz Hale Show and current resident expert on Studio 5, Dr. Liz is known for her relatable, insightful advice on everything from stress to intimacy. While LDS
herself, she welcomes clients of all backgrounds, incorporating their beliefs and values into a
collaborative approach that strengthens their relationships. Dr. Liz is dedicated to guiding
couples toward happier, healthier marriages built on mutual respect, trust, and connection.

Inights:

• Liz: "Liz addressed tough topics like the financial aspects of therapy and when divorce might be necessary. To enhance her impact, she could share more personal anecdotes or client stories (anonymized) and suggest simple, actionable steps listeners can take at
  home. Her focus on accountability and kindness created a lasting impression."

Resources:

Marriage Friendly Therapist:

Today on this episode of Stronger Marriage Connection, Dr. Liz Hale speaks with Laura Doyle, New York Times bestselling author of The Empowered Wife and a relationship coach dedicated to ending world divorce. Laura shares the six intimacy skills that transformed her own marriage and have since helped thousands of women restore love and passion in their relationships. With practical advice on addressing common marital challenges, including respect, self-care, and creating a spouse-fulfilling prophecy, this episode offers a roadmap for a thriving marriage.

About Laura Doyle:

New York Times bestselling author Laura Doyle was the perfect wife…until she married. When she tried to improve her husband, he avoided her. She nearly divorced. Then she asked happy wives for their secrets and…got her miracle. Laura’s books are published in 30 countries, and she founded a coach training school. But she’s proudest of her 35-year marriage to John, who’s been dressing himself since before she was born.

Insights:

• Laura: Laura’s passion for empowering women to transform their marriages stands out. Her relatable storytelling and actionable advice about practicing respect, expressing desires, and using the "spouse-fulfilling prophecy" provided listeners with tangible tools for improving their relationships. Her vulnerability in sharing personal struggles and triumphs made her advice both credible and inspiring. Her emphasis on positivity, gratitude, and accountability resonated deeply, leaving a lasting message of
  hope and empowerment.

Links:

Today on Stronger Marriage Connection, Dr. Dave Schramm and Dr. Liz Hale talk with therapist brothers Tyler and Brannon Patrick about the "Mr. Nice Guy" persona and its impact on relationships. Often driven by fear and insecurity, this behavior can unintentionally undermine trust and intimacy. The Patricks share how men can embrace authenticity, healthy masculinity, and deeper connection, offering actionable advice on boundaries, communication, and building a courageous marriage. Whether you relate to these challenges or seek to strengthen your relationship, this episode provides valuable insights.

#nomoremrniceguy #marriage101 #marriageadvice

About:

Tyler has been dedicated to his own recovery for over 15 years, striving to live the principles he teaches and becoming a man of courage, passion, and love. Married for over 20 years and a proud father of four daughters, he enjoys fly-fishing, backpacking, training his German shorthair pointer, River, and supporting his children's interests.

As a marriage and family therapist, Tyler specializes in recovery from sexual addiction and betrayal trauma. He believes those who fully embrace recovery not only regain their lives but also become exceptional spouses and parents. He feels honored to guide individuals on their journey toward a connected and transformed life.

Brannon is passionate about repairing broken relationships and has created several programs for addiction recovery and betrayal. Since 2015, his online content has reached and helped heal thousands of couples worldwide. As co-clinical director and owner of TherapyUTAH, he has extensive experience treating various addictions in settings ranging from inpatient psychiatric care to intensive outpatient programs. Brannon is also a Certified Sexual Addiction Therapist with specialized training in recovery.

In addition to his clinical work, Brannon is a writer, blogger, podcaster, and content creator. He co-hosts The Betrayed, The Addicted, and The Expert podcast with Ashlynn and Coby Mitchell, offering unique perspectives on relationships, recovery, and addiction to guide listeners through meaningful change.

Insights:

• Bannon: "Really examine what is real, honest and authentic in a relationship. It's not just saying yes, I did that or no I didn't. It's showing up authentic. It's showing yourself in a relationship. And Mr. Nice Guys, they're scared to do that, and so to do that work takes courage, it's hard work, but it's the key to an actual relationship, because you can't know them unless they show themselves."
• Tyler: "If you're feeling mad that we just talked about being a Mr. Nice Guy, you need to look at that. You should go take a look at what it is that's turning inside of you. And the next best step would be to take that feeling and actually go and approach your spouse and ask about it. Have a discussion about it. So, open up the discussion about where things don't seem like they're quite fitting, even though everything looks pretty on the outside. And that discussion will be a great Kickstart to something even better."
• Liz: "I love this whole thought about Eastern philosophy, the yin and the yang, and that the more the more feminine I can be, the more masculine it inspires my husband to be, and vice versa. So, women are not helpless hopeless. They really can take a stand. They can even use my two favorite words of I can't when they're asked to do something that keeps men kind of in that mode of not being accountable and staying afraid."
• Dave: "This difference of wrestling, okay, but isn't it good to be nice, it's good to be kind. So I'm glad that you clarify right kindness and care and compassion, but it's really like the motive, what's going on underneath, and is it, does it stem from fear or this genuine or authentic, right, desire to be kind, but also to have my own voice and to that it's not this facade, You know, I'm genuine, I am authentic, if this is who I am, and that can be a kind, not even nice, person, but if there's something to the stirring underneath, that's where some of the struggle then comes from. And then I love that, that foundation
  of safety and trust that you talked about, that that will eventually erode so all kinds of little lights and things going on in my brain."

Links:

Today on the Stronger Marriage Connection, Dave Schramm and Liz Hale sit down with Blake Snow, author of Log Off, to discuss the impact of technology on relationships. Blake shares practical tips for setting boundaries with devices, finding balance, and rediscovering meaningful connection with loved ones. From "Montana moments" to screen-free Sundays, Blake offers simple strategies to reclaim your time and focus on what truly matters. Tune in to learn how to foster stronger relationships by managing technology use with intention and purpose

About Blake Snow:

Award-winning journalist Blake Snow writes for Fortune 500 companies, fancy publications, and 80% of America’s leading travel media. He is the best-selling author of two books, Log Off and Measuring History. A two-time marathoner, former 96% chess player, and avid recording artist, Blake enjoys cooking, playing soccer, and reading 8-10 books per year. High energy is his superpower. Liver in the present. Believer in the afterlife. Die-hard optimist. Blake resides with his wife and five children in Provo, Utah.

Insights:

• Blake: "You can do this. And I mean that generally like, if you don't like what's going on with your life on your phone and social media, you can make changes. You can do hard things, like, look back at all this incredible stuff humanity, that team human has done for centuries, and you're a part of that. And you can do something I might seems challenging. Uh. Or even with your relationship, but you're capable of great things. And I know and think and believe strongly that each of us have the capacity to change and
  make changes in our life in a way that works for us and excites us and brings us towards greater health and fulfillment. So you can do this."
• Liz: "I'm thinking of all kinds of things, all kinds of changes I'd like to make. Because, you know, if, if I don't control it, it, it is going to control me, info technology. And I'm even just thinking, you know, on date night, I always want my phone with me to clip pictures of Ben and I, dear friend of mine, once said, who lost her husband, she goes Liz. I'm so glad I took pictures on date night, so I make the excuse to have my phone there, but it is a distraction. So I'm thinking of investing in a small camera, and I'm thinking of going back to hard copy scriptures, because again, I take my phone to church. Why? Because scriptures are on there, but it's a distraction. So anyway, all kinds of things are running through my mind."
• Dave: "We've got to take back our time, take back our family, our activities, or put this instead of a half hour in the morning, I'm just going to go and scroll. Maybe go for a walk. Even better, phone a friend. Check in, use your technology."

Links:

In this inspiring episode of Stronger Marriage Connection, Dave Schramm and Liz
Hale welcome Casey and Meygan Caston, founders of Marriage 365, to share their journey from the brink of divorce to becoming marriage mentors. They discuss practical tools like the weekly marriage business meeting, emotional check-ins, and the 60-second blessing to help couples reconnect and thrive. With an emphasis on curiosity, intentionality, and self-awareness, the Castons provide actionable insights to strengthen relationships and build a lasting legacy of love.

Rebuilding love and connection starts with intentionality, curiosity, and the courage to work on yourself. Simple, consistent habits can create a strong, lasting marriage.

About Casey & Meygan:

Just three years into marriage, we were voted the couple least likely to succeed. We literally
hated each other and had no idea how to get back the love and connection we’d once felt.
Through lots of stumbling and trial and error, we did manage to walk back from the brink of
divorce. But it was incredibly hard. Largely because there were no affordable and accessible
resources for us back then. We felt like we were fumbling around in the dark.

So we created the exact resource we wish we’d had: Marriage365. Our restored marriage was
the inspiration to help other couples who were feeling stuck, lost, and confused about how to
reconnect. Today, our app and website reach millions of couples around the world every day,
providing practical advice, tools, and inspiration. You can find all of those resources at
www.marriage365.com. Our mission is to create a safe place for people to grow and ask
questions that is available to anyone. Money or privilege should never prevent someone from
getting the tools they need to better themselves and their relationships.

Insights:

• Meygan: "I think everybody should lift up their head and do an emotional check in with themselves, and pick an area of their life where they know that it could probably be better, health, parenting, work, marriage, and just ask yourself, what's working, what's not working, and what needs to change. And that will be truly a gift of self care for someone listening today."
• Casey: "If you want to make a better marriage, make a better you, it is a message of empowerment, and it means that you can actually work on your marriage by yourself. You don't have to wait and don't have to feel stuck because your partner's not willing to join. That means, as Liz, I think you said, we take 100% responsibility of our of our marriage, and we own it and we they I'm gonna work on myself, regardless
  of you. And I think marriage forces you to work on yourself, like when you're single, nobody can come over and go, You know what? You should really shouldn't say stuff like that. It's inappropriate. Marriage is a great tool for self development."
• Liz: "...the power of the tongue. Your Words have the power to give life or death. Yep, we know that. I just don't think of that nearly enough."
• Dave: "I think that that, honesty, is the key to the stronger marriage connection. I mean, the 60 seconds. It's this intentionality, it's, you know what? But I've never done that, and that might feel awkward for me, but if couples will just do it, adopt some of these positive practices to build that relationship connection. Check in, think of that other person, get curious, ask some questions, and then the sincere compliments,
  really genuinely eye to eye, knee ball, knee or eyeball to eyeball, kneecap to kneecap, looking them in the eye, and sharing how you really feel deeply about them, whether you appreciate about them."

Links:

In this insightful episode of Stronger Marriage Connection, Dr. Dave Schramm and
Dr. Liz Hale are joined by therapist Jake Baczuk to explore the transformative concepts of the pain and peace cycles. Jake, a clinical manager and couples’ therapist, explains how negative patterns in behavior and communication create pain cycles that keep couples stuck in frustration and resentment. He introduces the peace cycle as a way to disrupt these patterns by focusing on understanding underlying emotions and unmet needs. Tune in to learn about the practical tools and techniques to foster empathy, self-reflection, and more peaceful responses in your relationships.

About Jake Baczuk:

Jake is a clinical manager for evolvedMD, an integrated behavioral health company that utilizes the Collaborative Care Model in Primary Care settings. Jake is passionate about this because they are creating access to mental and behavioral health to a population that would not otherwise receive help. It's amazing! He enjoys writing and playing music, playing softball, watching baseball, and spending time with his wife and three kids. He enjoys doing couples therapy and hope’s to start a small private practice in the near future.

Insights:

• Jake: "Recognize that we're all human beings. We're all human beings that are going to make mistakes that we're not necessarily broken or wrong or anything like that, because our love or trustworthiness was breached at some point in our life. We're just human beings, right? And when we understand that human element of ourselves, then we have so many opportunities to move in directions that are healthy, that we want to go, whether it's individually or within our relationship or within our family or at work or anything like that, right? So we're all human beings."
• Liz: "I think whether we're partners or just people, individuals. We're powerful. So, as we look at the pain cycle or the peace cycle, I just think that there's probably a magic in the pause just to think, now wait a minute, where might that person be coming from? What's really going underneath their behavior? So, I love that. I love the reminder of that cycle."
• Dave: "I think what stood out is when you talked about the boxes and learning not to react to your partner's behavior, but really respond to what's underneath, and that's the emotions. These needs are often deep and hidden, but if we can look past that and really see them and understand them, may not even agree with that, but still to understand with that, that understanding is powerful, and understanding this, this
  pain and these peace cycles that we're often blind to. We don't get it. We're so deep into it that we can't step outside and see that we're stuck and often creating the very problems that we don't like in our in the own reactions that our partner, that we're almost helping to create those which is this, yeah, this paradox."

Links:

In this episode of Stronger Marriage Connection, hosts Dr. Dave Schramm and Dr.
Liz Hale sit down with Heather Holmgren, a marriage and family therapist and founder of Simple Modern Therapy. Heather shares insights on emotional regulation, the essential skill of deep listening, and how to approach conflict with curiosity rather than reactivity. She explains the importance of self- awareness, emotional control, and co-regulation to help couples navigate difficult conversations. Heather provides actionable advice for slowing down during conflicts, truly hearing your partner, and fostering a healthy, supportive relationship. Tune in to discover practical tips to strengthen communication and deepen your connection.

About Heather:

Heather Holmgren, LMFT and founder of Simple Modern Therapy, has committed her 20-year
career to understanding what makes a modern relationship thrive.Through it all she has found
this much to be true: if you aren't happy with yourself, your intimate and professional
relationships are likely to fail. She has built a flourishing career and flourishing practice helping contemporary individuals, relationships and families learn to love each other, “Love Yourself and Love Your Life."

She is one of eight incredible therapists providing support to individuals and relationships in
downtown Salt Lake City (and Utah, virtually). All Simple Modern therapists have additional
training and expertise in relationship work, as well as providing affirming care to LGBTQIA+
relationships.

Heather is passionate about professional mentorship and has supervised clinicians for the last
ten years. She is a strong advocate for the practice of good mental hygiene, and can be found
speaking on this topic, as well as relationship related issues on Good Things Utah, at Edison
House and for corporations across the state. You can also find Heather, with her colleague
Andrès Brown, providing training, support and consultation to the larger therapeutic
community, expanding the reach of skilled and affirming inclusive relationship therapy.

Insights:

• Heather: "The more aware you are of where you are emotionally, what kind of outside stressors are impacting your mental health and mood can really be a big factor in how you're showing up in your relationships. So take care of yourself. Take care of yourself. It's not selfish, it is self care, and that helps us be much more effective in our relationships. And you know, secondarily, I feel like I have to say that listening is an
  art, and if we think we're good at communicating, we have to ask ourselves, how good am I at really listening to understand at relationally attuning."
• Liz: "Just thinking about speaking of being generous and kind. I think listening is one of the more generous and kindest things that we can do."
• Dave: "I think it's when you're talking about the pause. I just think that there's a power in the pause. The power in the pause to be able to not react, to be able to gives us at least a chance, pause, take a breath, allow our hearts, our minds, our brains, to be able to okay, I'm going to reflect and respond instead of react right now."

Links:

Dr. Dave Schramm and Dr. Liz Hale welcome licensed mental health counselor Andy Hogan, who shares his personal journey with mental illness and how it has influenced his work with others. Andy introduces his REACH acronym—a powerful tool designed to support both those living with mental illness and their loved ones. The discussion dives into the importance of love over fear in the healing journey, methods to recognize and manage symptoms, and ways to build empathy and connection. Learn how to better support mental health with compassion and understanding.

About Andy Hogan:

Andrew personally suffered a manic psychosis breakdown while serving a mission in Taiwan. He was tranquilized and woke up in a hospital in Provo. During a month-stay in the hospital, his high school sweetheart decided to end their relationship. They never talked about why, she just slowly made less and less contact and avoided him over a period of time. 3 years later, Andrew became so desperate for an answer, he proposed. She said, "I can't." This was his rock bottom moment, where the choice was either stop living or start to REACH.

REACH is the acronym for the steps Andrew took personally, and the steps he later would teach professionally of how to find love for mental illness.
1. Recognize the source of my symptoms.
2. Emerge from denial and isolation.
3. Authenticate self and mental illness.
4. Control the disorder as we are able.
5. Heighten our lives.

While learning to REACH, Andrew started dating again. On jod first date with Sariah who had also served a mission in Taiwan, he told her he was the one who went crazy on the island. She replied, "That was you?" She had served in a different mission over a year after his breakdown, but she had heard about the missionary who went crazy. After our date, Sariah talked to her parents who said, "If you decide to love him, we will love him too." They chose to give love for mental illness and Sariah courageously decided to keep dating me. Their marriage started as a choice for love instead of a reaction to fear of mental illness. Making that choice again and again for going-on 30 years now, is how REACH has made for happiness and growing connection in their relationship.

Insights:

• Andy: "the thing you can do to help someone with mental illness or to help yourself, if you're the one, if you recognize mental illness in yourself, the thing you can do is to face your fears and learn to love in yourn thoughts, in your beliefs and in your actions, there is something you can do, and it works, it helps. That is the thing you can do for mental illness, is give love. Give love for mental illness."
• Liz: " love this whole fear, this whole idea about fear really creates more pain, creates more separation, but that love and acceptance would create, that's what creates health and connection. They stuff that was really beautiful. I'm going to think differently about mental illness because of our time with you, Andy."
• Dave: "I love the reach acronym. Our illness doesn't define us. It is our feelings. All that we're struggling with doesn't define us."

Links:

In this episode of Stronger Marriage Connection, Dr. Liz Hale and Dr. Dave Schramm talk with licensed clinical social worker Amelia Hopkin about the emotional and physical struggles associated with infertility. Amelia shares how fertility issues impact relationships, the role of
family support, and the healing power of EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) and ART (Accelerated Resolution Therapy) for couples dealing with reproductive health trauma. She also provides guidance on navigating infertility treatments and offers valuable resources for those on this difficult journey.

About Amelia Hopkin:

Amelia Hopkin has spent the last 23 years providing help and building relationships with medical providers, community organizations, researchers, educators and most importantly, families who experience one of the hardest kinds of experiences... Infant or pregnancy loss, infertility, unexpected birth experiences, various degrees and types of postpartum depression, NICU stays as well as sexual or health related trauma. She has been a speaker and trainer at both national and international conferences (ask her about speaking to the UN and her month at the HRC!), a published researcher, is certified in EMDR and trained in ART (the therapy kind, she's a horrible artist and needs to label her stick figures). As one of the only trained EMDR intensive providers in the state of Utah, she helps those who have limited time and significant trauma find deep and meaningful healing. Click on the EMDR tab for more info on that. When not in the office, Amelia may be getting in over her head on a DIY project, reading books, dreaming up a new travel adventure, finding nature, looking for ways to avoid doing laundry or trying out a new restaurant or recipe.

Insights:

• Amelia: "...if you're experiencing fertility struggles, you are not alone, that number is one in six. There are some really fantastic resources."
• Liz: "the thought of getting comfortable with being uncomfortable, right with whatever it is that is troubling us..."
• Dave" "I think my takeaway the day really is the no shame, no blaming of yourself through this journey, I'm sure, so easily to turn inward and then to have those suffocating feelings that can feel overwhelming, that affect your marriage and your outlook, your life, your eating, sleeping every this will affect your life
  in so many ways. I hope people won't go there or stay there too long. Did you realize this is nothing you did you know anything so not that. Avoid that blame and shame game. Keep those eyes up and looking for resources and help."

Links:

In this episode of Stronger Marriage Connection, Dr. Dave Schramm and Dr. Liz Hale sit down with marriage therapists Boone Christensen and Kaprena Moore to discuss how couples can establish and maintain healthy boundaries in their relationships. They explain what boundaries look like in marriage, why they’re important, and how to effectively communicate them. Boone and Kaprena share real-life examples and provide tips on dealing with common boundary issues, including emotional safety, parenting, and handling conflicts. The episode highlights how boundaries can foster love, respect, and protection, rather than control.

About Boone & Kaprena:

Boone and Kaprena own Steps Family Therapy in Spanish Fork, where they conduct individual, couple, and family therapy. They both performed qualitative research in graduate school on the role of clergy in mental health and relational issues. When not doing therapy or spending time with their two kids, Boone loves camping, fishing, and reading research on therapist development. Kaprena loves planning events, writing music, and yoga. They are both consultants for the mental health company, Mindless.

Insights:

• Boone: "I'd say boundaries are the things you do to protect yourself and keep yourself healthy. They are nothing that you expect anybody else to do anything about."
• Kaprena: "When boundaries are about changing and manipulating your partner, they are poisonous. When they are about protecting yourself, they can convey love."
• Liz: "I think boundaries really are about safety. It's not just my feelings, but my partner's feelings. I just I do think of a cocoon a little bit when I think of a boundary or fenced in area where we're both inside, and it's not about the rupture, it's about making room for both of us."
• Dave: "I think that the boundaries perhaps can change. Is that possible over time? Is more understanding and his development and his relationship changes, still to have protection, but there may not be boundaries now we're okay. We need to adjust this. If I have a child that's living at home, or if there's a an accident or mental health or struggles or things okay, we need to adjust the boundaries here of what's happening to keep that protection in place."

Links:

In this episode of Stronger Marriage Connection, Dr. Dave Schramm and Dr. Liz Hale sit down with Rachel Nielson, host of the podcast Three in 30 Takeaways for Moms. Rachel opens up about her personal journey through motherhood, from the struggles of balancing expectations to finding joy in her role. She shares insights from therapy, practical strategies for decluttering your mental and emotional space, and ways to set healthy boundaries. Rachel also discusses how couples can support one another in parenting and offers actionable steps to bring more joy into motherhood and family life.

About Rachel Nielson:

Dr. Dave Schramm and Dr. Liz Hale welcome renowned marriage experts, Dr. Christian Heim and Dr. Caroline Heim, from Australia. They discuss insights from the largest global study on long-term relationships, revealing the key elements that make marriages last. The conversation highlights the importance of commitment, altruism, and shared values while addressing the challenges of hyper-individualism, social isolation, and mental health struggles. Whether you're single, married, or in a long-term relationship, this episode offers invaluable tools and perspectives to strengthen your relationship.

#marraigeadvice #resilience #marraigeresilience #makingmarriagework

About:

Christian Heim FRANZCP, PhD is a psychiatrist, a Clinical Director in Mental Health Services, Senior Lecturer in the School of Medicine at the University of Queensland and a Churchill Fellow. Christian gives keynotes internationally on preventative mental health. In private psychiatry, he subspecializes in war-related and severe childhood sexual trauma, and couple therapy where mental illness is prominent. Christian publishes books and journal articles in the area of preventative mental health. His latest book was co-authored with Caroline Heim: Resilient Relationships: techniques for surviving hyper-individualism, social isolation and a mental health crisis. (Routledge, 2023).

Caroline Heim is an Associate Professor at Queensland University of Technology. She has published two books in theatre studies and is a global authority on the psychology of relationships in the theatre. Caroline gives keynotes internationally and her numerous articles cover various topics from audiences to the mental health of university students. Specialising in empirical research, she has interviewed over 300 people internationally. Before entering academia, Caroline studied theatre and worked in New York winning a Drama League Award.

Insights:

• Christian: "it doesn't matter how you do it. There are different ways to do things however your relationship works, is the way that your relationship works. Don't feel that you've got to find a formula, but the key to me is that your relationship is your greatest asset, and that means that it'll take some nurturing, it'll take some investment, it'll take time, energy and effort, but gosh, it's worthwhile."
  
  
• Caroline: "'I'd say probably, is altruism, our second finding. Because, as I said, it's not much in the literature. And these couples that put the others needs before there's I could see that they had, again, this strong connection. And. So as we said, it's hard to do that in a in a society that says that everything's got to be about me, and it's about my needs, and if I'm not getting what I want from this relationship, then I'm out of here. But as one, as many of the couples actually said it's much easier to walk away and then to stay and fight for your marriage, you and me against the world, basically."
  
  
• Dave: "At so many levels, I love this idea of, I'll call it search inward, turn outward. That's how I like to think of this searching or what are my values and what are our values, and then turning outward with that altruism and how, what can I do for my spouse or my partner today to make their day better? It's this outward mindset, really, of thinking about the we rather than the me. I haven't heard that term hyper individualism, but man, I think that's, that's spot on. I feel like that's like the number one killer in relationships today."
  
  
• Liz: "You know what I'm really happy to hear Caroline and Christian say is that has benefited their marriage, because this five year study, I doubt there was a lot of income they were getting from this study. There was a lot of giving and listening and noting, and so I'm so pleased that there was this flip effect of blessing your own marriage. Really happy to hear that for you and another takeaway, I mean, one of my favorite events with the recent Olympic Olympics was synchronized diving, and I never thought about it to go for the gold. That the more difficult, the more points, the more opportunity for gold. I thought that was just brilliant."

Links:

In this episode of Stronger Marriage Connection, Dr. Dave Schramm and Dr. Liz
Hale chat with Maggie Reyes, a master certified life coach and marriage mentor. Maggie shares five powerful questions that women can use to improve their marriages, without needing their partner to change. These questions help women shift their mindset, engage their emotional intelligence, and create positive change in their relationships. Maggie emphasizes the importance of understanding our emotions, managing expectations, and grieving unmet hopes while building strong, lasting connections. Learn how asking the right questions can transform your marriage and empower you as a partner.

About Maggie:

Maggie Reyes is a Master Certified Life Coach and Modern Marriage Mentor who specializes in helping driven, ambitious women create their best marriages, without waiting for their partners to change or adding more work to their lives.

She is the creator of The Marriage MBA Program, a 6 month mentorship in creating a successful marriage using principles from positive psychology, cognitive science and simple coaching tools that you can learn today and apply tomorrow.

Maggie is the author of the best selling Questions for Couples Journal which has over 3,000 4 star ratings on Amazon. And she is the host of the The Marriage Life Coach Podcast which is consistently ranked among the top 2 percent podcasts out of over 2 million podcasts tracked by ListenNotes. When she isn’t teaching or coaching she loves obsessing over Formula 1 Racing, Bridgerton, reading fan fiction, sexy romance novels and watching superhero movies and Mexican Rom Coms with her hubby.

Insights:

• Maggie: "That you have choices, that you can think about what you want in your relationship and then take positive forward action towards that. I think that's the core of everything that I teach. And if someone is listening to us today and feeling frustrated or feeling sad, if I could just be that voice in your ear that says you have choices."
• Dave: "I'm going to actually combine both of your takeaways. I love that generosity Liz and the choices Maggie. I often call this, and it's been re iterated today. I think a challenge of lifetime. There are probably many challenges of lifetime. One of the those who stuck my mind lately, and it relates to what we're talking about today, is feeling disappointed, feeling feeling stressed, feeling worried, feeling irritated, even feeling angry, all those right, natural emotions we're going to feel those in our relationships. I believe this is difficult. That's why it's the challenge of a lifetime to feel all of that and still be kind, and still be generous."
  
  
• Liz: "That generosity is the highest form of love, being generous. And like you said, sometimes it doesn't, life doesn't call for that, right? But I think, especially in love and in marriage, generosity is often, I think, the call of the day. So I love that."

Links:

In this episode of the Stronger Marriage Connection, Dr. Dave Schramm and Dr. Liz Hale welcome betrayal trauma expert Dr. Crystal Hollenbeck to discuss the emotional complexities and recovery strategies for betrayal trauma. The conversation dives into the impact of betrayal, particularly the intense anger experienced by the betrayed partner, and how to navigate the healing process. Dr. Hollenbeck outlines therapeutic techniques, including her self-regulation model, and discusses why many partners remain in relationships post-betrayal. This episode is filled with practical advice, research-backed insights, and hope for those struggling to overcome the devastating effects of betrayal in relationships.

About:

Dr. Crystal Hollenbeck is a Betrayal Trauma Specialist and helps couples heal the wounds of
betrayal trauma. Her article recently published in the Journal of Sex and Marital Therapy
provides recommendations for clinicians to help betrayed partners manage the complexity of
betrayal trauma anger. Her book entitled, "Betrayal Trauma Anger: You are not crazy, you are
angry, and you should be" is coming soon.

Crystal is a Licensed Mental Health Counselor and a Florida State Qualified Supervisor for those seeking a license in Mental Health Counseling or Marriage and Family Therapy. In addition, she is also a Certified Professional Life Coach. Being a Therapist and a Life Coach gives her the unique ability to help clients heal from the past and live their best life today. Her approach to counseling and coaching is non-judgmental, caring, and solution focused. She believes counseling and coaching are an essential part of a person’s ability to live the life they desire and she strives to provide a counseling setting where you can feel safe to work through the difficulty you are facing with hope. Dedicating her life to helping others as a therapist and
coach is a result of post traumatic growth from her own personal life experiences.

Insights:

• Crystal - "Betrayal is a devastating injustice. And although you're going to feel like you're crazy, you're not crazy, you're angry and you should be."
  
  
• Dave - "I think the take home for me, at least one of the many, is that avoiding that self-blame, it's that all of a sudden that inward right and anger, anger turns this inward, and then it's some of this, you know, maybe outward at first, but then it's this inward of what? What did I do? Am I not skinny enough? Why? Why did they do kind of searching for the why and then blaming themselves for this? I love that message."
  
  
• Liz - "I've never heard the great advice around self-harm regarding using an ice cube, rubber band, rubber band, I've heard, but Ice Cube I haven't. I really love both of those, actually. So, thank you for that. Because as I get that, I get that you're just trying to use access to physical pain to release the emotional pain. Makes perfect sense, actually, but harmful. We're just continuing the on the harm, so we have to stop, and I really appreciate you bringing that to our attention."

Links:

In this episode of Stronger Marriage Connection, hosts Dr. Dave Schramm and Dr. Liz Hale sit down with Dr. Debi Gilmore, a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, to discuss Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT). Dr. Gilmore shares insights into how EFT helps couples strengthen their emotional bonds, navigate pain, and foster connection. She also offers practical tips couples can use to improve their relationships, including the “Four Mantras of Love” and the “ARE” model (Accessible, Responsive, Engaged). This episode is packed with strategies to help couples rediscover connection and navigate challenges in their relationships.

About Dr. Debi Gilmore:

Dr. Debi Gilmore is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, public speaker, professional educator, author, and co-owner of The EFT Counseling and Education Center, a large mental health clinic specializing in couples therapy serving Utah, Idaho, Wyoming, Nevada, and Arizona. Debi trains therapists seeking licensure or certification as an Emotionally Focused Therapist. She is co-founder and developer of the Building A Lasting Connection™ and Lasting Connection System™ mats. The Building A Lasting Connection™ (BLC) relationship program is based on her doctoral dissertation focused on premarital education. The Lasting Connection System™ mats and BLC program are being used by therapists and workshop facilitators across the world.

Insights:

• Debi: "The takeaway is I need to be better. I need to listen more intently, I need to love more abundantly, and I need to forgive more swiftly. So I'm going to say what I'm taking away is I will apply those things to myself."
• Dave: "I love acronyms. It's the R, the A, R, E, is it? Make sure I got to write the accessible, responsive and engaged."
• Liz: "It's really a combination of what the two of you have both talked about, I love that. What's the glory in your story? Dave, that's so beautiful. And for Debbie to suggest, when she first sits down with a couple, is to say, tell me about the first time you saw her. Tell me about the first time you saw him. For any of us to really go back in time, whether we've been married a year, 10 years, 30 years, 50 years, to remember those earlier times. They're precious, right? And they're powerful at the same time."