Listening and Emotional Regulation | Heather Holmgren | #105

In this episode of Stronger Marriage Connection, hosts Dr. Dave Schramm and Dr.
Liz Hale sit down with Heather Holmgren, a marriage and family therapist and founder of Simple Modern Therapy. Heather shares insights on emotional regulation, the essential skill of deep listening, and how to approach conflict with curiosity rather than reactivity. She explains the importance of self- awareness, emotional control, and co-regulation to help couples navigate difficult conversations. Heather provides actionable advice for slowing down during conflicts, truly hearing your partner, and fostering a healthy, supportive relationship. Tune in to discover practical tips to strengthen communication and deepen your connection.

About Heather:

Heather Holmgren, LMFT and founder of Simple Modern Therapy, has committed her 20-year
career to understanding what makes a modern relationship thrive.Through it all she has found
this much to be true: if you aren't happy with yourself, your intimate and professional
relationships are likely to fail. She has built a flourishing career and flourishing practice helping contemporary individuals, relationships and families learn to love each other, “Love Yourself and Love Your Life."

She is one of eight incredible therapists providing support to individuals and relationships in
downtown Salt Lake City (and Utah, virtually). All Simple Modern therapists have additional
training and expertise in relationship work, as well as providing affirming care to LGBTQIA+
relationships.

Heather is passionate about professional mentorship and has supervised clinicians for the last
ten years. She is a strong advocate for the practice of good mental hygiene, and can be found
speaking on this topic, as well as relationship related issues on Good Things Utah, at Edison
House and for corporations across the state. You can also find Heather, with her colleague
Andrès Brown, providing training, support and consultation to the larger therapeutic
community, expanding the reach of skilled and affirming inclusive relationship therapy.

Insights:

• Heather: "The more aware you are of where you are emotionally, what kind of outside stressors are impacting your mental health and mood can really be a big factor in how you're showing up in your relationships. So take care of yourself. Take care of yourself. It's not selfish, it is self care, and that helps us be much more effective in our relationships. And you know, secondarily, I feel like I have to say that listening is an
  art, and if we think we're good at communicating, we have to ask ourselves, how good am I at really listening to understand at relationally attuning."
• Liz: "Just thinking about speaking of being generous and kind. I think listening is one of the more generous and kindest things that we can do."
• Dave: "I think it's when you're talking about the pause. I just think that there's a power in the pause. The power in the pause to be able to not react, to be able to gives us at least a chance, pause, take a breath, allow our hearts, our minds, our brains, to be able to okay, I'm going to reflect and respond instead of react right now."

Links:

https://simplemodern.org/

https://www.instagram.com/simplemoderntherapy/?hl=en

https://www.facebook.com/SimpleModernTherapy

https://www.linkedin.com/company/simple-modern-therapy/

It's often said that marriage takes work. The Stronger Marriage Connection podcast wants to help because a happy marriage is worth the effort. USU Family Life Professor Dr. Dave Schramm and Clinical Psychologist Dr. Liz Hale talk with experts about the principles and practices that will enhance your commitment, compassion, and emotional connection. 

More than ever before, marriages face obstacles, from the busyness of work and daily hassles to disagreements and digital distractions. It's no wonder couples sometimes drift apart, growing resentful, lonely, and isolated.

The Utah Marriage Commission invites you to listen and discover new ways to strengthen and protect your marriage connection today!