Tragic optimism and the male identity crisis with Brad Stulberg

Brad Stulberg, author of Master Of Change: How To Excel When Everything Is Changing — Including You shares his observations of humanity, resourcefulness, and community after his hometown of Asheville, North Carolina was hit by Hurricane Helene. The devastating storm left residents without power, water, and communications for days on end.  

In the aftermath of the storm, neighbors sprang into action by sharing, gathering, and helping each other wherever they could. Stulberg shares this anecdote about observing his community:

“People came together like I had never seen before. And for those that aren't familiar with western North Carolina, Asheville is a very blue political place, but the surrounding areas are quite red… All of that just completely went away, it was just pure connection on a human level.”

Stulberg likens this experience of hope and resilience to the concept of "tragic optimism," as described by  Holocaust survivor Viktor Frankl’s book Man's Search for Meaning. Frankl argues  that even in the  face of pain and despair, we can choose to remain hopeful and optimistic. “We need to be able to look these tragedies in the eye,” Stulberg explains, “expect that they're going to happen and at the same time be optimistic – trudge forward with a hopeful attitude. And Frankel would argue, not in spite of those tragedies, but actually because of them. There's so much in life that is hard, what is going to sustain us through the hard times is also embracing the beautiful when it's there and holding on to it.” 

All proceeds from the sale of Brad Stulberg’s book, Master Of Change: How To Excel When Everything Is Changing — Including You, through the end of the year will go towards relief funds helping those impacted by Hurricane Helene in Western North Carolina.

Stulberg, who frequently writes and speaks about mental health and human potential, also addresses his concerns about a current (and well-documented) crisis of masculinity. He does this by sharing some of the latest data on mental health and friendships. “Men are four times as likely than women to die by suicide, right now,” Stulberg tells us. “Nearly half of male teens say that they've never dated — almost double the rate of previous generations. 30 years ago, a majority of young men said that they had over six good friends. Today, the majority of young men say they have only three friends and 15% of young men report having no close friends.” 

While there is no single cause for “the increase in loneliness and the male loss of status or feeling like you don't matter,” Stulberg highlights one observation he’s made, and that’s the change in youth sports. Once a community-driven, recreational outlet,  “youth sports [have] become increasingly professionalized now. In many areas, you have to pay to play, it's all about travel teams. So these outlets that men used to have to feel really good about themselves are harder to access for a lot of folks.” 

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KCRW's Life Examined is a one-hour weekly show exploring science, philosophy, faith — and finding meaning in the modern world. The show is hosted by Jonathan Bastian. Please tune in Sundays at 9 a.m., or find it as a podcast.