The art of conversation: Charles Duhigg on how to be a super communicator

In today’s job market, “good communication skills” is often listed as a top requirement. This essential ability not only helps you connect and collaborate with others but also effectively express your needs within the workplace. Strong communicators can unite us, foster positivity, and create a sense of shared potential. Moreover, today’s technology has made communication more accessible and rapid than ever before. 

Despite all the advances in tech, true connection remains elusive and we often fail to make meaningful connections with the people in our live who matter. The art of conversation is complex but science can offer insights into why these connections are so challenging to achieve.

According to Charles Duhigg, author of Supercommunicators; How to Unlock the Secret Language of Connection, “our ability to communicate with each other is the thing that has set our species apart and made us so successful compared to other species.”

When Charles noticed challenges in his own communication, he turned to science for answers. Advances in neuroimaging have allowed neuroscientists and psychologists to uncover that “every discussion is made up of multiple different kinds of conversations,” and they tend to fall into three buckets. “Practical conversations where we're talking about solving problems, emotional conversations where I tell you what I'm feeling,” and “social conversations, about how we interact with each other and interact with society.” 

“Super communicators,” Duhigg says, have the ability to “ listen for what kind of conversation is happening” and are able to “match back.” The science behind this, as Duhigg explains it, is called  "neural entrainment"— the synchronization of neural activity that is both fundamental to and the goal of communication. The reason super communicators can make a conversation feel effortless, leaving you feeling positive is because “you've achieved that neural synchronization. Your brain has evolved to give you a reward sensation associated with that. Connection is felt deep within the body and “our brains have evolved to encourage this kind of communication, to encourage this kind of bonding…since it's been so helpful to survival.” 

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KCRW's Life Examined is a one-hour weekly show exploring science, philosophy, faith — and finding meaning in the modern world. The show is hosted by Jonathan Bastian. Please tune in Sundays at 9 a.m., or find it as a podcast.