Leading a good life doesn’t always mean leading an easy one

What does it mean to lead a happy and fulfilling life?  

Most of us seek happiness through pleasure, calm, and order — preferring to avoid the discomfort, confrontation, and anxiety that comes from obstacles and challenges. And while less worry and work, along with more time to relax and have fun may sound appealing… Life rarely happens as we plan it and that might just be a good thing. 

According to philosopher Lorraine Besser: “There is this notion that we have, that once we get to the end goal we'll experience fulfillment. [We think] that justifies making all these sacrifices to [our] day to day lives in pursuit of this kind of elusive goal.”  

Besser, professor of philosophy at Middlebury College and author of  The Art of the Interesting; What We Miss in Our Pursuit of the Good Life and How to Cultivate It argues that there’s an overlooked and important element to leading a good life called “psychological richness.” Besser says, “what makes psychologically rich experiences distinct is that they're not always pleasant.” 

“The good life,” Besser argues, “is not always going to be this perfect, safe, [and] happy one. But the good life is going to be a life that involves challenges and putting yourself in uncomfortable places.” Besser explains further that this is not a matter of reframing the difficulties and obstacles. “Many of us feel that, when we're experiencing painful feelings, there's only really two routes available,” Besser shares. “Either we've just got to block them out and [not] let them invade our lives, or we've got to somehow turn them around and make them good.” 

Instead, Besser tells us, “there is another really important way. We can just sit with them and allow ourselves to feel them. Those difficulties and the uncomfortableness will prompt the kind of cognitive engagement we're looking for, if you allow it to sink in.”

A “good life,” involves embracing all emotions. Even if those little surprises are unpleasant and might (on the surface) make us feel less happy, they are all part of life. According to Besser, “they don't have to interfere with our living good lives, so we can embrace them and experience value from them.” 

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KCRW's Life Examined is a one-hour weekly show exploring science, philosophy, faith — and finding meaning in the modern world. The show is hosted by Jonathan Bastian. Please tune in Sundays at 9 a.m., or find it as a podcast.