Respond To Your Partners Needs Not Behaviors | Dr. Cole Ratcliffe | #39
Published on May 29, 2023, 11:36:59 AM
Total time: 00:35:42
Published on May 29, 2023, 11:36:59 AM
Total time: 00:35:42
On today’s podcast of Stronger Marriage Connection, Dave and Liz talk to Dr. Cole Ratcliffe about how we often get stuck in bad behaviors in our marriage relationships. Dr. Ratcliffe explains five steps that help eliminate bad behavior and provides some tips that might help increase connection in a sustainable way. Showing our partners we love them takes time and effort, but is incredibly worth it!
Timestamps:
0:00 – Introduction: Who is Cole Ratcliffe?
2:29 – Why are annoying and bad behaviors so common?
4:42 – “Helping” is not always helpful
7:10 – Why we get stuck in bad behavior
10:48 – Marriage is the great revealer of weaknesses
14:54 – There is no justification for bad behavior
17:15 – Take personal responsibility for our needs
19:25 – Recognize your partner’s needs
20:32 – 5 Steps to help eliminate bad behavior
25:10 – Simple things to do to improve connection
26:40 – How to say I love you in a personal way
28:44 – Patience is the 5th step
29:40 – Investment in unselfishness is the key for a stronger marriage connection
31:12 – Resources from Cole Ratcliffe
31:59 – Cole’s takeaway: taking time to understand gives us traction for meeting our partners emotions and
needs
32:39 – Liz’s takeaway: turn around the meaning of “but” in our apologies
33:11 – Dave’s takeaway: don’t react to the behavior, respond to the need
About Cole Ratcliffe:
Cole Ratcliffe was raised in Springville, Utah, and completed a bachelor’s degree at BYU. He obtained a masters and doctoral degree in marriage and family therapy from Kansas State University. Currently, he teaches full-time at BYU-Idaho in Marriage and Family Studies and oversees their online program. He has
taught numerous courses in his career, such as human development, marriage, marriage prep, marriage skills, parenting, and relationship education. Dr. Ratcliffe maintains a small private clinical practice where he conducts individual, marriage, and family therapy, including discernment counseling. He has been married for 16 years to his wife Jenna and together they have 5 (almost 6) children. In his spare time, he enjoys spending time with his family, hiking, hunting, playing sports, and watching college football.
Insights:
Cole: Take personal responsibility for having our needs met.
Dave: Don’t react to the behavior. See the unmet needs.
Liz: We need to turn around the meaning of “but” in our apologies.
Invites:
Cole Ratcliffe Links:
Visit our site for FREE relationship resources and regular giveaways:
Facebook: StrongerMarriage.org
Instagram: @strongermarriagelife
TikTok: @strongermarriagelife
Dr. Dave Schramm:
Facebook:https://www.facebook.com/DrDaveUSU
Facebook Marriage Group:https://www.facebook.com/groups/770019130329579
Facebook Parenting Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/542067440314642
Dr. Liz Hale:
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
It's often said that marriage takes work. The Stronger Marriage Connection podcast wants to help because a happy marriage is worth the effort. USU Family Life Professor Dr. Dave Schramm and Clinical Psychologist Dr. Liz Hale talk with experts about the principles and practices that will enhance your commitment, compassion, and emotional connection.
More than ever before, marriages face obstacles, from the busyness of work and daily hassles to disagreements and digital distractions. It's no wonder couples sometimes drift apart, growing resentful, lonely, and isolated.
The Utah Marriage Commission invites you to listen and discover new ways to strengthen and protect your marriage connection today!