Gray Divorce | Lori Schade | #71

Lori joins Dr. Dave Schramm and Dr. Liz Hale to discuss the common issues that
result in a mid-life or “gray” divorce.

About Lori Schade:
Lori Schade is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and AAMFT approved therapy
supervisor running a therapy practice in Pleasant Grove Utah called Compassionate
Connections Counseling. She specializes in Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy and
supervises therapists towards certification in the model. She has been an adjunct faculty
member in the Marriage and Family Therapy Department at Brigham Young University as well
as Utah Valley University. For over three decades she has practiced therapy alternately with
raising seven children and has published several peer reviewed materials related to her
profession. In her spare time she enjoys running, traveling, tandem bike riding with her
husband, knitting and playing the organ. She is convinced the grandchildren are one of life's
best kept secrets.

Insights:

• “There's always hope. I have a very easy time being hopeful for married couples, sometimes I have to say, ‘borrow my hope.’ I actually got that from Dr. Rebecca Jorgensen. And I think it's so lovely. And a lot of times small changes bring about really large changes in dynamics in marriage.” - Lori Schade
• “There are two kinds of commitment. One is personal commitment, where you feel free to exercise where you want to put your loyalty. The term is kind of like restraint. It's actually called constraint commitment, and constraint commitment are all of those variables that keep people feeling stuck. It might be religious beliefs, it might be children in the home, it might be financial constraints, but there are those things where people might divorce but they stay there because they feel these barriers to divorce? And so sometimes at midlife, those are removed. And so I think it's quite possible that that's also why we might see a resurgence of divorce and at that time.” -Lori Schade

Invites:

• Find time in your week to have a connection check-in with your partner by asking these three questions. How connected are we from last time we checked? More or less or the same? What's been happening in our lives that may have impacted the level of connection? What is one small thing that would help me feel more connected?"
• Reach out to a therapist to learn more about Emotionally Focused Therapy to see if it could potentially strengthen your relationship with your partner.

Lori’s Links:

Compassionate Connections Counseling Website
Book mentioned by Lori: The Lost Love Chronicles: Reunions & Memories of First Love by Nancy Kalish

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Dr. Dave Schramm:

https://drdaveschramm.com

https://drdavespeaks.com

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/DrDaveUSU

Facebook Marriage Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/770019130329579

Facebook Parenting Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/542067440314642

Dr. Liz Hale:

http://www.drlizhale.com/

It's often said that marriage takes work. The Stronger Marriage Connection podcast wants to help because a happy marriage is worth the effort. USU Family Life Professor Dr. Dave Schramm and Clinical Psychologist Dr. Liz Hale talk with experts about the principles and practices that will enhance your commitment, compassion, and emotional connection. 

More than ever before, marriages face obstacles, from the busyness of work and daily hassles to disagreements and digital distractions. It's no wonder couples sometimes drift apart, growing resentful, lonely, and isolated.

The Utah Marriage Commission invites you to listen and discover new ways to strengthen and protect your marriage connection today!