Connection is The First Priority | John Howard | #10
Published on Nov 7, 2022, 6:00:00 AM
Total time: 00:45:38
Published on Nov 7, 2022, 6:00:00 AM
Total time: 00:45:38
In this week’s episode, our expert guest, John Howard, talks about his book, More Than Words: The Science of Deepening Love and Connection in Any Relationship, and shares what neuroscience is teaching us about emphasizing connection over communication. With tips for parents and couples, John’s insights help the listener refocus on connection for the benefit of ourselves, our marriages, families, and society. Join us for the conversation and learn how to create a deeper connection in your marriage today.
About:
John is a Cuban-American who grew up in New York City speaking Spanish. He didn't live with his parents as a kid and eventually left home at 15. After years of traveling and studying native traditions, John discovered the science of relationships as a powerful way to heal his own attachment wounds. He has taught the neuroscience of couples therapy at leading conferences, has trained thousands of therapists, and led a relationship wellness program for Google, Inc. He is the Founder of the Ready Set Love® line of courses for couples, the Founder of Presence Wellness, and teaches at the Dell Medical School in Austin, TX. In 2022, John released his book, More than Words that is high grossing on BookTok and expands on the principles John has taught in his lectures and in therapy for the entirety of his career.
Links:
getmorethanwords.com – Order John’s book here to receive bonus content (free chapter on attachment) and connect with John personally.
John Howard’s Podcast about his book More than Words
Insights:
John reminds us to be intentional with our attention –putting away our devices and distractions and really focusing on our partners. He indicates that one of the best ways to do this is by “stepping in the shoes” of our partner and practicing humility. Byrefraining from making assumptions about our partner, John illustrates that couples will grow stronger bonds that are focused on simple forms of connection and affirmations that will make all the difference to one’s relational satisfaction.
Invites:
• Practice nonverbal, primitive connection with your partner
o Sit with your partner and take turns holding each other in your lap without talking for 2 minutes.
o Sit across from each other and look into each other’s eyes without speaking
• Merge your marriage by taking the RELATE assessment with your partner. Have a discussion together after taking the assessment and learn how “to see it from your partner’s point of view.” Though how you view things, or do things, may be different, practice validating your partner’s point of view and discover a new way you can develop your relationship going forward.
• Practice skills-based connection
o Discuss with your partner what you view as “bad behavior” and why. Establish ways you can remedy this kind of behavior together.
o Write in a journal entry what makes you compatible with your partner. What do you love about them? Also, highlight your differences. List five ways you can connect with your partner that illustrate your differences and will help you grow together.
o Have a conversation with your partner about how to approach challenges in your relationship with greater intentionality and commitment. Develop strategies that will lead to conflict resolution and connection. For lots of great conflict resolution strategies and tools, take the ePREP course offered free to Utah residents by the Utah Marriage Commission or visit UMC’s Tiktok for quick conflict resolution tips.
Visit our site for FREE relationship resources and regular giveaways:
https://podcast.strongermarriage.org
Facebook: https://facebook.com/StrongerMarriage
Instagram: @strongermarriagelife
Dr. Dave Schramm:
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/DrDaveUSU
Facebook Marriage Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/770019130329579
Facebook Parenting Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/542067440314642
Dr. LizHale: http://www.drlizhale.com/
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
It's often said that marriage takes work. The Stronger Marriage Connection podcast wants to help because a happy marriage is worth the effort. USU Family Life Professor Dr. Dave Schramm and Clinical Psychologist Dr. Liz Hale talk with experts about the principles and practices that will enhance your commitment, compassion, and emotional connection.
More than ever before, marriages face obstacles, from the busyness of work and daily hassles to disagreements and digital distractions. It's no wonder couples sometimes drift apart, growing resentful, lonely, and isolated.
The Utah Marriage Commission invites you to listen and discover new ways to strengthen and protect your marriage connection today!